An Open Letter to the Denver Broncos

Dear Denver Broncos,

On June 29, 2013 my brother Mark passed away unexpectedly at the age of 41. Yes, he died young but that is only a small piece of Mark’s story. Mark was born with Cerebral Palsy in Texas in 1971. My parents relocated to Denver soon after he was born so he could receive the best care available from the Children’s Hospital of Denver. Though he was never supposed to speak, Mark defied the odds and often we couldn't get him to be quiet. Mark was one of the most joyful people I have ever met despite the physical limitations he faced each day.

One of the things that truly brought excitement into his life was his love for football. Mark was a lifelong Broncos fan and often placed bets with my Dad that went unpaid if he lost. For Mark football was something he could be a part of if only as a fan, but your team truly was a big part of his life.

Sadly, Mark died before this football season began but I know he was in Heaven cheering and screaming louder than he did on Earth. During some games I was convinced he may have been running right alongside of you, something he could have never done during his life. At the beginning of the season I told my husband (a devout 49ers fan, I love him anyway) that this was going to be the year the Broncos won the Super Bowl, for my brother. With each win he would just laugh and brush me off, but sure enough you made it all the way.

Going into Sunday’s game I just knew you would be Super Bowl winners. There was no doubt in my mind. But quickly it became clear that this was not the Broncos year. I was sad. I was heartbroken for my brother. But then I thought about what my brother would have done. He would have been upset for a moment but quickly he would get over it and begin looking forward to the next season. I am simply writing you this letter for two reasons: one, to say thank you. Thank you for playing your heart out. Thank you for going out there every game and putting on a show. And, second, don’t let your loss define you. Lick your wounds and move on. Do it for yourself and do it for fans like Mark. A guy who quietly watched from the sidelines, but whose life was changed for the better because of you.

Thank you, Broncos. I will be watching and cheering in Mark’s memory.

Fan for Life,

Megan Neri

P.S. Attached is a photo of Mark that captures his joy perfectly. Enjoy!

2012: The Year of Joy

Today I have been reflecting a lot on the last year as we prepare to say goodbye to 2011 and ring in yet another new year. The last few years have been hard for many and though I feel like I have been personally blessed, I have to admit, I am ready for something new. How about a double scoop of overflowing joy? Anyone?

Over the last several months at work I have been working on a project with a woman who wanted to spread the message of peace, hope, joy and love through generous giving. I learned a lot through this project, but the part that has really stuck with me is the belief that peace, hope, joy and love are a progression and you must go through each stage to progress to the next. I still am a little fuzzy on the peace part (at least as far as if it has happened for our country as a whole), but I think 2011 was a year of hope. Even though the news headlines often seemed to be incorrect it was a relief to see the message of hope that the economy was beginning to rebound. Personally I experienced hope through watching several friends get married and a few welcome little ones into the world. I experienced hope at work as new projects began to come our way and we saw the shining light on the other side of the business we have all been working to keep going. Hope is a wonderful thing, we don't have much if we don't have hope. But I am ready to experience joy.


 What do you think? Are you ready for some joy? What would it take to add a little joy to your life?

PSA for Huntington's Disease

As a follow up to my last blog I wanted to post this public service announcement which aired in Las Vegas on MIX 94.1 last Sunday morning. My friend Jenny and I, along with Dr. Walsh from the Cleveland Clinic Lou Ruvo Center for Brain Health, recorded a 30-minute segment discussing Huntington's Disease and our personal stories. Beyond being educational, the segment is proof that anyone impacted by HD is not alone. Whether you have the disease or are caring for family members who do, there are other people like you and people that want to help. There are also doctors like Dr. Walsh who are leading the charge in raising the level of care offered to HD patients and their families in our community as well as fighting for research that could one day lead to a cure.

If you have a few minutes I encourage you to listen to this piece. My friend Jenny shares her very personal story and it's powerful. She is a young woman who has faced some heartbreaking challenges in her life, including testing positive for the gene, though she has chosen to step out and share her story in hopes it will push the search for a cure forward as well as resonate with others with similar stories.

I am thankful for the show of love and support I received in response to my last blog. Its strange to put something so personal out there, but I believe part of the journey to a cure is coming together as a community and supporting one another. If I can remind one person that they are not alone then sharing my story is worth it. 

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” - Mother Teresa

Huntington's Disease & Me

Last week I received some news that closed the chapter of the past eight years of my life: I do not have Huntington's Disease. You might be thinking, "Yeah, me neither, what's the big deal," but it is a big deal. One in 10,000 Americans are currently suffering from HD and one of those people is my mom. HD, is a genetic disease which affects the sufferers brain functions, slowly robbing them of the ability to walk, talk, think or reason. The most noticeable symptoms are slurring of speech, uncontrollable body movement, dramatic weight loss and depression. A person who carries the genetic mutation has a 50/50 chance of passing it on to their offspring.

In 2004 my mom received the news. The diagnosis was completely unexpected. No one in my family had ever heard of the disease let alone suspected it might run in our family and I am not sure what lead the doctor to test my mom for the gene mutation. Though the news was upsetting at the time, it wasn't until recently that I realized just how devastating the diagnosis was. HD seems to be a secret disease that very few people know much about or truly understand so getting information about it has been a challenge. And, many of the sufferers and their families tend to keep the diagnosis a secret because of fear of discrimination.

My mom's diagnosis shed light on some of her behavior and motor skill issues but it also brought up more questions for me and my brothers. We found ourselves at risk for inheriting Huntington's Disease and faced with a decision of whether to get tested or not. Because so little information was available to me I relied on what I could find on the internet, scrounge up in the medical section of Barnes & Noble and of course the occasional depiction of the disease in medical dramas on prime time TV. But even these things combined left a lot of unanswered questions. I found myself angry, sad and definitely not ready to get tested. Besides, I didn't believe I had the gene anyway. My mom was told early on by her doctor that she had never diagnosed someone with the disease that wasn't extremely skinny. I have never really fit that description and just assumed the few extra pounds around my bottom were a sign of my healthy genes.

Despite being convinced I didn't have the gene, the timing wasn't right for me to get tested. I was 23, single and a recent college graduate trying to find my way in the professional world. I decided early on that I would wait to get tested until I was ready to settle down, get married and have babies. In December 2009 I began dating Adam and knew from the start that it was pretty serious. So getting tested was starting to make sense. In late 2010 my mom's symptoms began to increase and show themselves in a way my entire family could no longer ignore. This pushed me further to consider getting the test. In early 2011 I began attending a newly formed HD support group at the Lou Ruvo Center for Brain Health. It was at the first few meetings that I finally understood what Huntington's Disease was beyond my still limited experience. I began learning more medical based information about the disease and also learned that there are no definitive physical signs of the disease if you aren't symptomatic. So, essentially I realized that my struggle with weight was not a good enough reason to not get tested.

In February of this year I began getting my insurance in place to prepare for the worst case scenario and then began going through the required steps before I could get my blood test. I met with my general practitioner, a genetic counselor, neurologist and finally a psychologist. Basically, I have seen more doctors in the last six months then probably the last 10 years combined. This required process might seem overboard, but I understand now why it is the way it is. Getting your test results are life changing no matter if they are positive or negative. If you do test positive for the gene it is basically the beginning of a waiting game, waiting for the first symptoms to appear. If your test comes out negative it is good news for you, but it doesn't change the fate of those in your family who have the gene.

After jumping through many hoops, last Friday, Adam and I met with the doctor to receive my results. We both breathed a major sigh of relief, though Adam swears he knew I didn't have it. I was happy to share the news with my mom, though it was hard to not feel a little bit guilty. We cried and laughed and through it all she was still able to ask me when I was going to give her a grand-baby. (So, I guess this means the pressure is on!)

So, what's next? The chapter of my life wondering if I had HD is over, but my fight for a cure has just begun. I believe everything happens for a reason and that God has a plan for each of us. The process of getting my results has been a struggle in every way, but it was supposed to be that way. Now that I have lived the sleepless nights and anxiety of waiting for my results I am ready to stand beside my friends and family and fight the good fight. Through this process I have met a group of people who all share the bond of HD. Together we will fight this thing. I have recently signed on to help launch the Huntington's Disease Society of America Las Vegas Affiliate. I will do whatever it takes to give a voice, face and name to Huntington's Disease.

If you have taken the time to read this, thank you. I hope you will reach out to me with any questions, thoughts, emotions or comments. Sometimes we thinking not acknowledging something is the best way to deal with it, but by simply speaking up you become part of the journey to a cure.

Sacrifice

What is sacrifice? Do I really understand the meaning of that word? As part of Ash Wednesday I have been thinking about this a lot. Over the past several years I have chosen to practice Lent in symbolic preparation for Easter. After much discussion with my friends and co-workers I have chosen (boldly) to give up sweets which includes dessert of any kind, especially ice cream and frozen yogurt. Some of my friends have chosen a much deeper and mature route, but the truth is giving up sweets is a pretty big sacrifice for me. I feel a little silly and shallow admitting that, especially as part of a tradition that celebrates the death and resurrection of Jesus, but at the same time I feel like its the perfect exercise in self control. Sometimes I take sweets for granted or overeat without thinking, but this is a chance to gain a new perspective.

According to some traditions, Sundays during Lent are considered a mini-Easter celebration and fasting is not required. Though I can appreciate this, for my own sense of accomplishment I will skip Sundays, how much sweeter that first treat will be after 46 days anyway.

What are you giving up or sacrificing this year? What personal growth do you hope to gain from it?

Fighting the Good Fight

Last year I lost 40 pounds. It was amazing. It was freeing. I not only felt in control of my life but I also felt comfortable in my own skin. Fast forward 12 months later to March 2011 and I find myself struggling to not put back on the weight I fought so hard to lose. Why does this happen? Why do we work so hard to get where we want to be to only live in that moment for a short amount of time? I can think of a million reasons why those pounds of fat keep finding their way back to my thighs. I'm in love. I love food. Life is busy. I have better things to do then workout. But these are just excuses. Every time there has been a major change in my life (relationships, career related, moving, etc.) I always tend to gain a few pounds, so the trick is catching those pounds before they stick permanently to my mid section.

There is more to this than just the weight or the vanity of the subject, it makes me wonder why it seems like perfection is fleeting. Or more accurately, why does it seem like happiness comes and goes so quickly? Is this human nature or is it just me?

I'm not exactly sure how to answer these question, and if I did I'd probably write a book not a blog about it! But in the meantime, I guess I will continue to fight the good fight when it comes to keeping my waistline small and my relationships healthy.

Baking: Key Lime Pie

Ever since I took home economics in seventh grade I have loved baking. It might have a little something to do with my built-in sweet tooth, but I also enjoy the process and the end result of something delicious to share with the people I love the most. Despite my enthusiasm, one out of three of the things I bake in the kitchen is a disaster. With that in mind, I thought my blog would be the perfect place to share my successes and disasters. So, get ready for some mouthwatering and hilarious stories!

Last week one of my close friends (who happens to also be a co-worker)celebrated her 27th birthday. A few months ago she had mentioned her love of key lime pie so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to try something new in the kitchen. The bonus was that not only was the recipe super simple, it tasted delicious, too. Because the pie is no-bake, it takes only a few minutes to prepare and is perfect to prepare the night before you want to eat it.

TIPS: the recipe calls for three limes to make a 1/2 cup of juice, I used four and still had trouble meeting the required amount of liquid, so I just topped off the lime juice with a little bit of water and it turned out fine.

Carnation Key Lime Pie
(Credit: Nestle Toll House Semi-Sweet Morsels Best-Loved Recipes)

1 prepared 9-inch (6 ounces) graham cracker crumb crust
1 can (14 ounces) Nestle Carnation sweetened condensed milk
1/2 cup (about 3 medium limes) fresh lime juice
1 teaspoon grated lime peel
2 cups frozen whipped topping, thawed
Lime peel twists or lime slices (optional)

Beat sweetened condensed milk and like juice in small mixer bowl until combined; stir in lime peels. Pour into crust; spread with whipped topping. Refrigerate for 2 hours or until set. Garnish with lime peel twists. Makes 8 servings.

Oh Blog, How I Miss Thee

Dear Blog,

I am writing to apologize for neglecting you for so long. The truth is I think of you often and dream of what I can write to keep you updated, but life has gotten in the way. I have been busy. Really busy. The last year has been a whirlwind. But in the most amazing way. I have been busy falling in love, baking, laughing, living, reading, running and so much more. But, I think I'm ready to return to you. Ready to share my life with you again. Though it might be different than posts from the pasts, I hope to find the time to rekindle the friendship we once had.

So, Blog, here's to new beginnings. I hope to see you soon.

xoxox

Megan

It's Official: I'm a Warrior

It seems like I have been anxiously anticipating the Warrior Dash at Copper Mountain for so long and now it's over. I went, I ran (sort of) and I conquered (I place finishing in this bold category). In short it was an awesome weekend, but that was to be expected. I mean can you really travel to 12,000 feet above sea level to slop through mud and jump over fire and complete the experience without calling it such? Ok, maybe participating in the Warrior Dash isn't for everyone, but attending the celebration definitely is. For the people watchers there were people dressed in costumes from Avatar to Oompa Loompas and everything in between. For the foodies every restaurant at the resort was pumping out delicious food and there were even turkey legs for the true warriors and great beer to wash it all down. And if you got bored watching people throw themselves over fire or dive through mud pits you could watch the band and make new friends. If this doesn't sound like a good time then I really need to reassess my life! But seriously, one of the best parts was that I got to waddle my way through the obstacles with some great friends and my family was on the sidelines every step of the way cheering us on. (And, I can't minimize the long-distance love and support from my boyfriend. His pride for me is amazing and makes me feel so special. Cheesy? Yes. True? Absolutely.)

Not only was this a great day to share with friends and family it was also a chance to prove my inner voice wrong. You know the one (especially if you have ever ran for any length of time at all -- the one that laughs and tells you there's no way you can do this.) As I ran towards the finish line I kept thinking to myself, "if only the third grade version of myself could see me know, how proud she would be." Participating in this freed a little piece of me that I didn't even realize was captured.

Thank you to everyone who encouraged me, cheered for me, ran with me, laughed with me or simply thought happy thoughts for me.

So, now the question is, what's next?

She's Like the Wind

In 10 days I hope this is a phrase that can be used to describe me and my friends as we run and trudge through the obstacle course ridden Rockies in our first ever attempt at the Warrior Dash. A year ago I was about 40 pounds heavier, fairly sedentary and could barely run a mile without keeling over. And now with a little less baggage to carry around I am preparing to do one of the most adventurous things of my life, so far. The 3.27 mile run at Copper Mountain includes obstacles like a mud pit, hay bale hill, tunnels, junk cars to climb over, cargo nets, and my personal favorite, a fire pit. Maybe I'm crazy, but this seemed like the perfect challenge to spice up my life and crossing the finish line will not only solidify my place at as an official bad ass, it will also be a great reason to celebrate. And, that's what life's all about,right? Finding reasons everyday to celebrate being alive.

In the last week, as it has truly begun to sink in exactly what I am planning to do, I have been to reflecting on all of the changes that have happened in my life that have allowed me to be brave (or crazy) enough to literally run off the beaten path. Besides the physical changes I think I have become stronger, more confident and more at peace with the world around me. It's amazing what can happen in only a year's time.

Now it's time to stop my day dreaming and kick my butt into gear. With less than two weeks left I have yet to run three miles straight without a break, though I am close. Overall I am prepared but I don't want to just run this thing, I want to conquer it. So, wish me luck and say a little prayer because I will need it!

What is romance?

Recently I have been pondering this question. Not because my relationship is lacking it but simply because I never want the spark to die. My boyfriend and I have officially exited the honeymoon period that happens in a new found relationship and are settling into regular relationship status (whatever that means).  We have shown each other our true colors and decided we like each other anyway. But some of the romantic things that may have happened in the beginning of the relationship (when we were busy trying to gain each others affection) have become less of a priority. The other day we were talking and teasing each other about being romantic and it got me to thinking: what is romance anyway? As I thought more and more about it I began asking friends and co-workers. The funny part is the men I asked usually just looked at me puzzled as if it was a trick question and women would thoughtfully look at me and say something like, good question.

What I have narrowed down from these various conversations is that romance is thoughtful ways to share love with another person and some tactics are more obvious and general and some are very specific depending on the person. For example, when my friend posed this question to her boyfriend his initial response was, "when you make sure there are Pop Tarts in the cupboard, that's romantic because I really like them." To each his own I guess.What I have learned is that romance doesn't have to be roses, poems, chocolates and candlelit dinners. When I go out to dinner with my boyfriend (especially if its a date night) he will order my meal for me. The first time this happened I didn't know exactly how to take it, but I realized this is one way he shares his love and have learned to take it that way.

So, here's a question for you, what is romantic to you?

Dating a Dad

In honor of Father's Day this Sunday I thought I would write about the amazing men who are father's in my life. This first entry is about my boyfriend, Adam. Enjoy!

If you would have told me even six months ago that I would be dating and falling for a man with a kid, chances are, I probably would have told you that you were crazy. It's not that I have ever had anything against dating a dad, I want kids of my own someday, but I guess its all the drama that can come along with that title that turned me off. Fortunately for me my man is pretty much drama free and he is an amazing full-time dad. Anyone can have a child but I think it takes a special kind of man to be a dad. I think Adam is one of those people who was born to be a dad. Despite his young age he has figured out how to care for, love and teach his daughter in a way that many parent's twice his age still haven't quiet figured out. Here are ten things that not only make him a special person, but also a great father to his daughter.

1. He puts her first above anything else, including himself. His daughter is his world and he is her protector, father and friend.

2. He holds her accountable for her successes and her failures.

3. He never lets her win. He wants her to learn what it takes to win and how to handle losing so he never let's her win -- not even at Disney Scene-It!

4. He believes in believing. Even at 12-years-old his daughter still believes in Santa Claus because he encourages her imagination and willingness to believe.

5. He leads by example.

6. He loves God and in turn so does his child.

7. He strives to make decisions for his daughter based on what's best for her, not always what's easiest. This is probably one of the qualities I admire the most about him. It takes courage and selflessness to do this and he does it well.

8. He doesn't do it by himself. Even though he's a single dad he's definitely not alone. Over the years Adam has created a circle of friends and family that would do anything for him and his daughter. They're both better people because of the people who are part of their lives.

9. He is not afraid of discipline but he also knows how to have fun.

10. He tells her he loves her. Growing up I knew a lot of girls who had terrible relationships with their dads. If their father's would have only said those three little words, I can only imagine how different their relationships would have been. Love is not the answer, its the starting point.

Is it worth it?

People often say the fun part of a relationship is in the beginning. I am not so sure I agree. Yes, the butterflies in your stomach and excitement of being with someone new are great but I think we tend to look back at the beginning of a relationship with rose color glasses and forget about the hard parts. Like realizing that what you thought was a witty remark really hurt your significant others feelings or that they could really do without your gum chewing and sarcasm. These lessons don't usually come easily and at some point both parties have to ask themselves "is this really worth it?"

Unfortunately my current relationship has hit this pinnacle moment and I am on the sidelines waiting to find out if my boyfriend thinks the good outweighs the bad. Is the laughter, fun times and witty banter worth dealing with my emotional reaction to things? I have a feeling this is what he's mulling over right now. Over the last 24-hours I have been going through a very similar train of thought and the answer for me is yes. The good still out weighs the bad. In fact, being the optimist I am, I have hope that he will make the same decision.

Do you think this is a natural life cycle of a new relationship? How have you overcome the bumps in the road in your own relationship?

Channeling my inner Julia Child

I will be the first to admit that at times I have a tendency to obsess over things and lately the things I have become obsessed over are actually real people. This is really nothing new. Don't worry though, unless you either wrote a book or are the subject of one you're probably safe from my obsessive behavior. Maybe obsessive is even a little strong, let's say it's more of a mixture of adoration and respect.

Anyway, I recently read the book (or listened to rather) My Life in France by Julia Child and what started out as a curiosity for the 6'2" boisterous woman quickly turned into appreciation. Most people know Julia as the outgoing quirky woman with a cooking show long before Food Network had a place in cable land, but reading the book made me realize how she found such success, especially during a time when a woman in the spotlight was out of the ordinary. Though I admire her cooking skill (and definitely share her passion for eating) and can only hope that someday I can cook at least half as well as her, its her attitude, compassion, love for life and sense of humor that truly inspired me. She found a way to interject her zest for life and infectious energy into everything she did and it paid off. Chances are she could have found a passion for anything and would have probably been quiet successful.

The other part of Julia's life that I found fascinating was her relationship with her husband (Julia is pictured to the right with her husband, Paul, in a postcard they sent to friends for Valentine's Day). It seems through everything I can find about the two that they truly had a friendship and partnership above and beyond their marriage. They knew how to have fun and enjoy each others company, but they also challenged one another and pushed the other to follow their dreams. They signed letters to friends and family jointly as "Pulia" (Paul + Julia) long before it became a trendy phenomenon for celebrities like "Brangelina." They each found a way to support one another and get involved in the others passions and interests. The two ended up in France shortly after they got married because of Paul's job as a diplomat for the United States Government, but instead of just tagging along Julia made the most of the opportunity which obviously paid off. Paul not only supported her curiosity for cooking that began in France, he was extremely involved in the process even down to helping building sets for her TV show and always serving as the taste tester as she perfected recipes for her various cooking projects. I am sure they had their moments and their relationship wasn't always perfect, but it came pretty close as far as I can see.

As silly as it may seem, Julia Child has become a role model of how I want to live my life. And maybe, if I can channel all of her other positive traits, then learning to cook will just come naturally. (That might be pushing it.) One thing is for sure, if I ever get a chance to have a dinner with 10 guests dead or alive, she will definitely receive an invite. Maybe she'll even cater it. . . A girl can dream, right?

A Warrior in Training

Last year I challenged myself to complete a 5K run before the end of the year. In early December, dressed in a Santa suit along with thousands of other crazy Las Vegans I obtained my goal. I am naturally an over achiever and would have preferred to have ran the entire 3.1 miles but on that day I was proud that I finished. Since then I have continued working out and have even ran in two other 5K runs. The side benefit to accomplishing my goal is that I have lost 37 pounds since last August. And let me just say, there is no motivation like being able to fit into your skinny jeans fresh out of the dryer without even having to lay on the floor or jump up and down and do the tight pants dance!

I guess you could say that running 5Ks is my gateway sport! So, with my new found confidence in my athletic abilities I have been looking for new challenges to help me continue to lose weight but also (and more importantly) because I truly have enjoyed pushing myself to a new level. A few weeks ago one of my friends, who has also recently been searching for ways to pursue a healthier more balanced life, sent me a link for the Warrior Dash. I was hooked instantly. This is just what I need. The Warrior Dash is a 3.27 mile obstacle course that will test the fittest of athletes endurance and sense of adventure.From running to jumping through tires and climbing up ropes and over old cars and even jumping over fire,  there's very little the event creators left out. Each participant also receives a Viking helmet and a beer after completing the race. What more could I ask for, right? The best part is that there is Warrior Dash in my home state of Colorado this August. Perfect timing.

Today I  registered for the event and have declared myself a warrior in training. My friends think I'm crazy, but what's the point in living this life if we can't push the limits once in a while?

I'm back. . . .

Last summer I started writing this blog because I needed an outlet to express myself as I transitioned back into the world of being single. It was great. I love writing and enjoyed the positive feedback I received from my adventures (and often misadventures) in dating. And then in December something amazing happened. I began dating this guy (he happens to be the subject of my last post), but I found myself not wanting to share it with the world. I wanted to keep it to myself and savor every moment of this experience with the new person in my life.

Over three months have passed and I am happily in a relationship and ready to return to the world of writing. I'm not sure exactly what form my writing will take or the exact topic of every post but that's ok, right? It is my blog after all. I am looking forward to getting back into writing on a regular basis and hopefully sharing my experiences in an entertaining way.

Building Walls and Breaking Them Down

Over the Thanksgiving weekend I gave in and let one of my girlfriends play with my match.com profile. What I didn't know at the time was she wasn't just looking at my profile, she took it upon herself to "wink" at any guy she saw fit. Shame on me for giving her access to my account, but sometimes we all need someone to push us off the ledge because without that push we may never make the leap into scary waters. Like dating for example. So for the last few weeks I have been sifting through emails and responding to the ones that are worthwhile, which are few and far between.

As the days have gone by, there is one guy online who I can't wait to open his email. What began as a one sentence email from him about my profile headline ("Nobody puts baby in the corner") has turned into long rambling letters asking and answering various questions and showing off our witty personalities. I have vowed to take things slow and have done a pretty good job of that. But I think there is a risk you take in meeting people online if you don't eventually take the step to move the relationship into reality. Last night I finally told him I was ready to make that step. We made plans for a date next week which will still give us time to talk on the phone and get to know each other better.

I am cautiously optimistic but each time I let myself be happy I can hear a little voice in my mind warning me to watch out. A reminder to not get too wrapped up in this one because there's a chance it might not work out. There's a fine line between protecting my heart and building walls to keep people out and I am trying to figure out where the line is and how I can gingerly walk it. I have always been able to walk through life with a child-like enthusiasm and I am not sure how many disappointments it takes before this innocence goes away. I would rather not find out.

I do find comfort in the fact that I think I have learned from my past mistakes. I think I have raised the bar with this particular guy. For one, we have more in common than anyone I have ever considered dating in the past. From professional interests, to taste in music and even religion we seem to be on the same page. I know it takes more than these things to have a relationship, but I have had less than this in the past and made it work, at least for a while. It seems like by the time a person is in their mid to late twenties it's impossible to have not been hurt or carry some type of baggage, but I think the important part is how you deal with that extra luggage and communicate with those close to you.

So, wish me luck. In less than a week I will be on what quiet possibly could be one of the best first dates ever. We're going to visit Old St. Nick -- we'll see if a second date is on my list for this Christmas.

"Be the Ball"

Lately one of my best friends and I have been walking the track at the gym (we call it the Track of Truth) and solving the world's problems. Ok, so maybe that's giving ourselves too much credit, but there is no doubt that gems of wisdom come out of these moments. The other day as we literally walked in circles she said to me, "be the ball." Though I am not sure exactly what this means I think she's right. At least my interpretation seems relevant.

I'm a type A personality. An activator. When things need to happen I jump into action. Sitting back, watching and waiting for something, anything, to happen, has never been my strength. So, when she said"be the ball" I think she meant that I need to work on letting things happen instead of "bouncing the ball" all of the time.

A few weeks ago, after a rough dating experience, I declared myself off the dating market for the remainder of the year. But then, I couldn't help myself. I had set up an unpaid profile with chemistry.com a few months back and had received a few hits. Unfortunately the only way to see who was interested was to pay-up. The curiosity was killing me, so I did it. No, this was not me "being the ball," but believe it or not it was a step in the right direction. Chemistry.com is a site similar to eharmony.com, but was created by the same company as Match.com. If Match can be compared to the Yellow Pages of dating sites, then Chemistry is more like a virtual match-maker. You can't search for prospects or look through other profiles. You only can review the profiles that the site chooses for you. This takes away a lot of control. Then, there are three steps that must be taken before any uncontrolled email communication can happen. Sounds frustrating, right? Absolutely. Especially for a control freak like me. But maybe it's what I need. It's time to lose control --or give it up, rather.

It makes me wonder if action has become more important to me then results in my dating life. Well, as uncomfortable as it can be I am rolling with it, or is it bouncing? Either way, I am working my way through this. It seems like some of the best things happen to us when we let go and let things happen. So, I'm ready, bring it on. So, that means things happen the way I have planned or if things naturally progress, I'm ready for it.

10 Reasons it Doesn't Suck to be Single During the Holidays

The 80 degree weather in Vegas may not be a clear sign that the holidays are right around the corner, but the fact is that the calendar doesn't lie. It's nearing mid-November and Santa has already arrived at some shopping locations along with Christmas trees and holiday decor. This is supposed to be the happiest time of year, but for many it means a packed schedule of holiday parties and corporate events, gift buying and family related stress to boot. And, if you're single (like me), you may be wishing you had a magical fast forward button to make it all fly by in a flash. But being the optimist I am, I believe there is a bright side to being single, especially this holiday season.

So here it is. . .

10 Reasons it Doesn't Suck to be Single During the Holidays

1. The gift of more time. This means more time to party, shop, volunteer or whatever it is that makes your heart sing. No one likes a Scrooge so find something that will put you in the spirit. Maybe it's something you've never done before. The fact is happiness is one of the most powerful people attractors, so who knows, you might find someone to spend your extra time with when you least expect it.

2. The gift of money. Because you won't be showering Mr. Wrong with Christmas gifts (or whatever your holiday of choice may be), that means more green in your pocket this year. Do something nice for yourself -- maybe a little "mani-pedi" in preparation for the holiday party madness, or a plane ticket to see family and friends during the holidays. Or maybe this is just an opportunity for you stay within your budget this year or even save a little money for a rainy day. Whatever you do, look at this as a chance to try something new.

3. One schedule is better than two. You are not obligated to think twice when making holiday plans because you are only responsible for the plans you make, not the ones a significant other might be making for you. Just think, you can attend that cheesy sweater party that you secretly look forward to every year without having to listen to the complaints of a boyfriend.

4. Bring on the Christmas cheer. If you enjoy Christmas music and movies you have the freedom of listening and watching to your hearts content. If "The Little Drummer Boy" is what keeps a smile on your face, turn up the volume and hit repeat. Or grab a box of tissues, some eggnog and snuggle under a warm blanket and watch "Love Actually." No one will complain so get in the spirit!

5. No need to pretend you like his mother's cooking. Let's face it, not every Mom is blessed with the cooking skills of Betty Crocker, Rachel Ray or Paula Dean. But this year you are free from the chains of politeness. And who knows, it might mean that your jeans still fit after your holiday feast. (I did mention I'm an optimist, right?)

6. Less present opening anxiety. You may never be able to stop cringing when you receive your annual fruit cake from Aunt Ida but you won't have to worry about what gift will (or won't) be waiting for you from your Man. Take this from a girl who received a can opener for Christmas one year and not much else. (There's a pretty good reason I am single !)

7. No family time tug-o'-war. If you've ever lived in the same city as your family and your significant others, you know the struggles and stress the holidays can bring when deciding how to spend your time. This doesn't alleviate the stress your own family might cause during the season of family festivities, but it should (hopefully) be a little less painful. Enjoy it, you won't be single forever.

8. Cut your shopping in half. Not only are you not required to buy presents for him, you don't have to buy gifts for his family either. This also means less time playing Sherlock Holmes trying to find out what to get for people you may not know well to start with.

9. Being single is a license to look. The holiday season is bound to fill your calendar with all different types of activities, many with people you may only see once a year. Some parties and holiday festivities are more single friendly than others, but keep your eyes open -- you might just meet Mr. Right. Even if you don't meet a man during all of your social outings, you never know who might have the perfect guy in mind just for you. Use your best judgment based on the source of the matchmaker, but if you don't at least put it out there, you will never know who you might meet.

10. Variety is the spice of life. Just because you're single doesn't mean you're not dating. Use holiday parties as a test for a guy that maybe you're not sure about. This can be tricky, especially depending on your choice of family and friends, but ultimately the risk is low. You might find out that you have a lot more in common with a guy you've been dating or ridicule from your inner circle might be just the nudge you need to move on. It's just one night, right? And, no matter how it turns out you may be creating stories to tell the grand children.

Whatever you do this holiday season, don't let your relationship status get in the way of enjoying time with your friends and family.

Instant Gratification Dating

It sounds crazy, right? But in a time of high-speed this, instant that and immediate who knows what, I guess it's not a surprise that relationships can go this way, too. Honestly, I'm not sure if this is a trend or simply because I am getting a little older, but it seems like dating leads either to a dead end or to a committed relationship faster than ever before.

For me personally, I think it's easy to fall into a relationship quickly if a guy shows me that he possesses the qualities I am looking for early on. I know what I am looking for but this alone can be dangerous to a relationship early on. People tend to show a shinier version of themselves at the beginning and are more willing to be on their best behavior which can be inconsistent with who they are once they become comfortable with a relationship. So, I guess the trick is to be confident in what I am looking for, but be more careful in assuming that another person is exactly how they present themselves. Anyone else a little dizzy after reading this paragraph?

I'm not the only one though. I have a close friend who is currently on the relationship fast track. She met her boyfriend in June online and spoke to him for a few months while he was serving in the military in Iraq. He arrived back in Vegas in early September and they are now planning their wedding (though he has not proposed yet).

So why is this happening? Does online dating speed up the courting process? In my friend's situation, is it because her man is in the military that the there is such an urgency to tie the proverbial knot? What's the trick to knowing if you are moving too fast?