Huntington's Disease & Me

Last week I received some news that closed the chapter of the past eight years of my life: I do not have Huntington's Disease. You might be thinking, "Yeah, me neither, what's the big deal," but it is a big deal. One in 10,000 Americans are currently suffering from HD and one of those people is my mom. HD, is a genetic disease which affects the sufferers brain functions, slowly robbing them of the ability to walk, talk, think or reason. The most noticeable symptoms are slurring of speech, uncontrollable body movement, dramatic weight loss and depression. A person who carries the genetic mutation has a 50/50 chance of passing it on to their offspring.

In 2004 my mom received the news. The diagnosis was completely unexpected. No one in my family had ever heard of the disease let alone suspected it might run in our family and I am not sure what lead the doctor to test my mom for the gene mutation. Though the news was upsetting at the time, it wasn't until recently that I realized just how devastating the diagnosis was. HD seems to be a secret disease that very few people know much about or truly understand so getting information about it has been a challenge. And, many of the sufferers and their families tend to keep the diagnosis a secret because of fear of discrimination.

My mom's diagnosis shed light on some of her behavior and motor skill issues but it also brought up more questions for me and my brothers. We found ourselves at risk for inheriting Huntington's Disease and faced with a decision of whether to get tested or not. Because so little information was available to me I relied on what I could find on the internet, scrounge up in the medical section of Barnes & Noble and of course the occasional depiction of the disease in medical dramas on prime time TV. But even these things combined left a lot of unanswered questions. I found myself angry, sad and definitely not ready to get tested. Besides, I didn't believe I had the gene anyway. My mom was told early on by her doctor that she had never diagnosed someone with the disease that wasn't extremely skinny. I have never really fit that description and just assumed the few extra pounds around my bottom were a sign of my healthy genes.

Despite being convinced I didn't have the gene, the timing wasn't right for me to get tested. I was 23, single and a recent college graduate trying to find my way in the professional world. I decided early on that I would wait to get tested until I was ready to settle down, get married and have babies. In December 2009 I began dating Adam and knew from the start that it was pretty serious. So getting tested was starting to make sense. In late 2010 my mom's symptoms began to increase and show themselves in a way my entire family could no longer ignore. This pushed me further to consider getting the test. In early 2011 I began attending a newly formed HD support group at the Lou Ruvo Center for Brain Health. It was at the first few meetings that I finally understood what Huntington's Disease was beyond my still limited experience. I began learning more medical based information about the disease and also learned that there are no definitive physical signs of the disease if you aren't symptomatic. So, essentially I realized that my struggle with weight was not a good enough reason to not get tested.

In February of this year I began getting my insurance in place to prepare for the worst case scenario and then began going through the required steps before I could get my blood test. I met with my general practitioner, a genetic counselor, neurologist and finally a psychologist. Basically, I have seen more doctors in the last six months then probably the last 10 years combined. This required process might seem overboard, but I understand now why it is the way it is. Getting your test results are life changing no matter if they are positive or negative. If you do test positive for the gene it is basically the beginning of a waiting game, waiting for the first symptoms to appear. If your test comes out negative it is good news for you, but it doesn't change the fate of those in your family who have the gene.

After jumping through many hoops, last Friday, Adam and I met with the doctor to receive my results. We both breathed a major sigh of relief, though Adam swears he knew I didn't have it. I was happy to share the news with my mom, though it was hard to not feel a little bit guilty. We cried and laughed and through it all she was still able to ask me when I was going to give her a grand-baby. (So, I guess this means the pressure is on!)

So, what's next? The chapter of my life wondering if I had HD is over, but my fight for a cure has just begun. I believe everything happens for a reason and that God has a plan for each of us. The process of getting my results has been a struggle in every way, but it was supposed to be that way. Now that I have lived the sleepless nights and anxiety of waiting for my results I am ready to stand beside my friends and family and fight the good fight. Through this process I have met a group of people who all share the bond of HD. Together we will fight this thing. I have recently signed on to help launch the Huntington's Disease Society of America Las Vegas Affiliate. I will do whatever it takes to give a voice, face and name to Huntington's Disease.

If you have taken the time to read this, thank you. I hope you will reach out to me with any questions, thoughts, emotions or comments. Sometimes we thinking not acknowledging something is the best way to deal with it, but by simply speaking up you become part of the journey to a cure.

Sacrifice

What is sacrifice? Do I really understand the meaning of that word? As part of Ash Wednesday I have been thinking about this a lot. Over the past several years I have chosen to practice Lent in symbolic preparation for Easter. After much discussion with my friends and co-workers I have chosen (boldly) to give up sweets which includes dessert of any kind, especially ice cream and frozen yogurt. Some of my friends have chosen a much deeper and mature route, but the truth is giving up sweets is a pretty big sacrifice for me. I feel a little silly and shallow admitting that, especially as part of a tradition that celebrates the death and resurrection of Jesus, but at the same time I feel like its the perfect exercise in self control. Sometimes I take sweets for granted or overeat without thinking, but this is a chance to gain a new perspective.

According to some traditions, Sundays during Lent are considered a mini-Easter celebration and fasting is not required. Though I can appreciate this, for my own sense of accomplishment I will skip Sundays, how much sweeter that first treat will be after 46 days anyway.

What are you giving up or sacrificing this year? What personal growth do you hope to gain from it?

Fighting the Good Fight

Last year I lost 40 pounds. It was amazing. It was freeing. I not only felt in control of my life but I also felt comfortable in my own skin. Fast forward 12 months later to March 2011 and I find myself struggling to not put back on the weight I fought so hard to lose. Why does this happen? Why do we work so hard to get where we want to be to only live in that moment for a short amount of time? I can think of a million reasons why those pounds of fat keep finding their way back to my thighs. I'm in love. I love food. Life is busy. I have better things to do then workout. But these are just excuses. Every time there has been a major change in my life (relationships, career related, moving, etc.) I always tend to gain a few pounds, so the trick is catching those pounds before they stick permanently to my mid section.

There is more to this than just the weight or the vanity of the subject, it makes me wonder why it seems like perfection is fleeting. Or more accurately, why does it seem like happiness comes and goes so quickly? Is this human nature or is it just me?

I'm not exactly sure how to answer these question, and if I did I'd probably write a book not a blog about it! But in the meantime, I guess I will continue to fight the good fight when it comes to keeping my waistline small and my relationships healthy.

Oh Blog, How I Miss Thee

Dear Blog,

I am writing to apologize for neglecting you for so long. The truth is I think of you often and dream of what I can write to keep you updated, but life has gotten in the way. I have been busy. Really busy. The last year has been a whirlwind. But in the most amazing way. I have been busy falling in love, baking, laughing, living, reading, running and so much more. But, I think I'm ready to return to you. Ready to share my life with you again. Though it might be different than posts from the pasts, I hope to find the time to rekindle the friendship we once had.

So, Blog, here's to new beginnings. I hope to see you soon.

xoxox

Megan

I'm back. . . .

Last summer I started writing this blog because I needed an outlet to express myself as I transitioned back into the world of being single. It was great. I love writing and enjoyed the positive feedback I received from my adventures (and often misadventures) in dating. And then in December something amazing happened. I began dating this guy (he happens to be the subject of my last post), but I found myself not wanting to share it with the world. I wanted to keep it to myself and savor every moment of this experience with the new person in my life.

Over three months have passed and I am happily in a relationship and ready to return to the world of writing. I'm not sure exactly what form my writing will take or the exact topic of every post but that's ok, right? It is my blog after all. I am looking forward to getting back into writing on a regular basis and hopefully sharing my experiences in an entertaining way.

Word Travels Fast in the Twin Cities

On Friday night I flew from Las Vegas to Minneapolis to attend a conference. I am used to being approached and taking part in conversations with strangers, but for some reason I have never had a truly memorable experience on a plane -- until now. As I took my window seat on the flight leaving sin city two guys took the two seats next to me. I don’t think I had even sat down when the guy in the middle seat, right next to me, said “don’t worry, I’m not one of those people who will talk your ear off.” That’s always a bad sign.

Loudmouth Leon (as I will refer to him here) was a tall (almost uncomfortably tall for this seating arrangement), dark haired man in his mid-thirties. What he lacked in looks he definitely made up in personality. For the first forty-five minutes of the three hour flight Leon kept the conversation flowing. I learned that he had just spent the last several days in Vegas with some of his friends (which were dispersed throughout the plane). He asked me about the book I was reading, what movies I liked, what I did for work and shared his recommendations of the places I should visit once on the ground in Minneapolis. About thirty minutes into the conversation he gave me his card and told me to call him if I had time and wanted to hang out with some good people during my trip. He also made it a point more than once to mention that he doesn’t just hand out his cards and in fact has never done so on a plane before but that I just seemed like a good person. I kindly thanked him and read my book for most of the remainder of the flight. Once on the ground we deplaned and I walked to baggage claim. Because we were on the same flight Leon was not far away as we waited for our bags. At this point he had been reunited with his friends but made it a point to say goodbye to me and again extend his offer to be my tour guide.

It was less than a minute after he left that the world got smaller. As I stepped closer to the baggage carousel to watch for my bag I also took a step closer to a very attractive women with great style who I would guess to be around my same age. I guess she had observed my interaction with Leon because she turned to me and said “I’ve met that guy before, but I couldn’t remember his name.” She was very nice in the way she approached me and continued to tell me she had met him at a local networking event a while back. She must have had a similar experience to my own because she disclosed that she went back to her office that day excited that she may have met a dating prospect (she was new in town at the time, so meeting someone fun and new was very exciting). Fortunately for her, she shared her experience with a co-worker who must have also had a similar experience. The co-worker quickly pulled up Leon on Facebook to reveal that he was not exactly who he portrayed himself to be. For starters, he had three kids. Now, I’m sure the women had nothing against kids, but was shocked by the information simply because it wasn’t how Leon had represented himself. In my own experience he seemed to work hard to set a reputation of a fun-loving, single man who enjoyed his family (though no mention of children specifically). In fact, he mentioned several times how he has no plans of settling down, EVER.

Obviously, Leon has created quite a reputation for himself in Minneapolis, so much so that I didn't even have to leave the airport to dig up some dirt. Not only was it a fascinating way to begin my time in a new city but most importantly,this situation renewed my faith that women can still watch out for one another and girl code still exists.

So, here's a question to ponder: does Leon's misrepresentation of himself make him a smooth operator or a slime ball player?

Finding Peace with My Piece of the Pie

Often there are times when I offer up encouragement to a friend and the one who actually gets something out of it is me. A few weeks ago I ran into a girl I haven't seen since my freshman year of college, 10 years ago. As we were catching up on life and wandering down memory lane she told me proudly about her husband and six-year-old son but was obviously disappointed in herself for never finishing college. I told her that it's impossible to do everything in this life, so you should be proud of what you HAVE accomplished. In the moment I didn't think much of these words, though I truly meant them but they obviously had an impact on her because she chased me out to the parking lot to thank me for the positive affirmation. As I drove away it dawned on me that this advice was as applicable for me as it was for my friend. If I was being completely honest with her in the moment, I would have shared my desire for a strong relationship and even a family (someday), these are things I have sacrificed to focus on college and now my career. Sometimes I wonder if I spent too much time in a dead end relationship and wasted time that could have been used finding Mr. Right For Me. I realize these thoughts are pointless, but I'm human, too.

For year's my Dad has tried to impress upon me the importance of taking a moment to stop and smell the roses. Admittedly, I tend to jump from one thing to another not spending enough time to see the good things I have created or have been a part of in this life. If I blend the wisdom of my father with my own words, I think there is an even more powerful message there. Take time to appreciate the things you have accomplished, but don't dwell on the things you haven't done. . .yet. This is something I have been working on a lot lately. Taking a moment to take a deep breath and ponder life without letting the negative "what ifs" takeover.

What are some things on your bucket list that have been sacrificed up to this point in order to accomplish other things on your list? Would you change it if you could? How has your list changed because of the things you have accomplished?

Operation Fun: the role of a wedding guest

After attending a friends wedding last weekend it dawned on me that the guests play a very important role in the success of a wedding. Just like audiences play a role in the success of a play or concert, the guests participation in wedding festivities will determine the overall success of a wedding reception. First, and most important, is showing up. I wonder if people just don't understand what RSVP means anymore, by replying you are confirming you will be there and by not showing up after RSVPing you are leaving a seat open and money on the table. If you can't make it simply let the bride know in advance, she will appreciate it, trust me.

Once the wedding ceremony is over and the reception begins the job of guests is to celebrate the special day with the bride and groom. Maybe the concept of "celebration" means different things to different people, but to me it means to have fun and never forget who's day it is. Most of the time the bride and groom are so busy talking to their guests and taking part in the festivities that they don't even remember what happened when it's all over. But, if all the goes well, the party will be well captured on both photos and video for them to look back on later. Of course there are different levels of fun depending on how well you know the couple and what there expectations are for the day. These things can be figured out easily by just being observant. For example, if there is a dance floor, they want you to dance; if there is an open bar, they want you to drink (but not too much); and if there is a DJ you will be expected to join in at least one cheesy wedding tradition.

I think it's common for people to not realize they play an important role in a bride's special day. It's a time to put your concerns about your lack of rhythm away and bust a move in celebration of your friends. Trust me, they will appreciate this for years to come as stories are told and pictures are shared with those that couldn't make it. The point is that guests should go out of their way to enjoy themselves because if the guests are having a good time then chances are the bride and groom will be happy with the results.

Girlfriends: A Vital Ingredient to a Happy Life

What I lack in sisters, I have surely made up in girlfriends. They are the spice of my life. This weekend one of my friends flew in from North Carolina to attend another friends wedding. I was chosen to be her companion for the weekend and couldn't be happier about the task. I picked her up from the airport Friday morning and we spent the majority of the time giggling at each other and having an overall grand time! Whether we were laying by the pool soaking in the 110 degree heat of Las Vegas or stuck in 5 p.m. Friday traffic, it is a guarantee one of us was talking a million words a minute and the other was laughing. I don't know what I would do without her friendship. The test of a true friend is if you can pick up where you left off no matter how much time has passed since you last spoke or saw one another. This particular friendship definitely passed the test of time.

This much needed girl time reminded me just how important friendship is in general, but especially girlfriends. So often you hear women say they just don't get along with other women, but I believe these friendships are vital to a full happy life. There are some things you just can't share with a boyfriend/husband/guy friend, and I am sure they would agree some of the things we share amongst each other they would rather not know! I enjoy the deep talks as much as the goofy uncontrollable laughter and wouldn't be sane or happy without the amazing women in my life.

I was sad to say goodbye to my friend last night but it was a truly amazing (much needed) weekend -- especially because we had the chance to celebrate the marriage of another friend. Hopefully we don't wait another five years to reunite, but I know even if we do I will still have an amazing friend on my side.

Moving Out and Moving On

One of the most cleansing activities -- in both mind, spirit and home -- is preparing to move. I don't know anyone in their right mind who enjoys moving (or the packing required to do so), but if the right steps are taken in preparation, the end result is a much more streamlined life. At the end of August I will be moving out of the condo I have lived in for the past two years and will finally close the book on a significant relationship in my life and start a new chapter. Before now, I've never looked forward to, and dreaded something so much all at the same time. I feel like I have moved on in so many ways and the final step will be handing over the keys and driving away. I am looking forward to the closure that moving will allow me to experience.

Going through boxes of old photos, journals, notes and cards has been a bitter sweet reminder of how much things change and yet stay the same. I am reminded of the people who have come in and out of my life, some staying for only a season and others reappearing and disappearing and then those who have stuck by me through thick and thin. Reading my old journals is more like reading something someone else wrote then as if I actually penned them myself. It's interesting to see what and who used to keep me up at night and how much the things that get me down have changed. The trip down memory lane has been fun but I am in a place where I am more interested in the present then dwelling the past. As a self-proclaimed pack rat this is a sign of growth in and of its self.

The process of packing and simplifying my material belongings is a good metaphor for what's happening inside my head and heart, too. Sometimes the process is painful but when all of the separating, packing and cleaning is complete I will be a much better person. I plan on keeping the good and letting go of the bad. At times I find myself wanting to place a road block over my heart and proclaim this Lane closed for construction for an eternity, but this too shall pass. I guess all of this is part of the healing process. The heart is a very forgiving and self-healing muscle if we don't let our minds get in the way.

So, wish me luck, it's time to move on.

Living Intentionally

Last night I set my alarm with the intention of waking up to go to the gym at 5 a.m. Unfortunately, sleeping in my nice comfy bed seemed too enticing and I clicked snooze until about 6:45. And when I finally woke up, I felt like I had let myself down (not too mention all my Facebook friends because I mentioned it as my status the night before and received many encouraging responses). In reaction I planned to make up for my slacking ways after work with a nice hard workout. I went to the gym and was intentional with my workout. In fact, I may have worked harder tonight than I have this year. I didn't just go to the gym because it was a part of my routine, I went there with a percise result in mind and dug my heels in until I reached my goal.

It was while running around the indoor track at Las Vegas Athletic Club that it occured to me, what if I did every action in my life intentionally? I think there is a difference between the "best intentions" and living "intentionally." What would this look like? It would mean that every activity in my life would bring me a little bit closer to a specific goal. For example, if I am going to the gym but am only going purely out of routine, should I even be there at all? There is something to be said for setting a schedule to create good habits, but if the effort is not beneficial in reaching the expected result than it becomes a waste of time and energy and only leads to frustration.

The same theory can be applied to relationships. If you aren't intentionally working to create opportuinty for relationships to begin or aren't intentionally taking part of an existing one, what's the point? It's like planting flowers but not giving them water and sunlight. This theory can easily apply to friendships, work relationships and love relationships.

So, how does this change what I will do tomorrow? Well, when my alarm chimes bright and early and I feel like going back to bed I am going to take a second in my sleepiness to think what would be the most effective use of my time. And, if I go back to bed and skip the gym then it was probably the right decision. Regarding relationships -- of the love, platonic and business kinds -- I am going to make a more intentional effort to make the people in my life feel important. Life is busy, but should never be too busy for this. I think it is being intentional in this way that will bring true love into my life. Who knows, maybe it's already here and it just needs a little water and some sunshine.

The Friend Zone: Part Two

A month or so ago while visiting Colorado, I wrote a post called "The Friend Zone" which questioned if a man and a woman can truly have a platonic friendship and described a scenario between my friend Big Andy and his "friend" Georgia. Well, it seems the story finally has an ending.

Last week Georgia finally gave up the game and confessed her true intentions. As I assumed the friend zone was really the test zone. She may have truly thought friendship was what she was looking for but her heart disagreed. So, this is the part of the story where either the friendship becomes a relationship or Georgia sucks it up and makes the best of the situation or the friendship ends all together. Unfortunately, I think the odds are against this one. Georgia and Andy have not known each other long enough for a long lasting friendship to truly take root and she is young enough to not really care.

If the two decide a relationship is what they want I am not sure it would last long. Georgia is excited by the thrill of the chase and less concerned about whether he's the right one. It's not often that she must hunt her prey and once the chase is over so will be the thrill of it all. I give her credit for saving some face the next day with a text message claiming SHE'S not ready; but the problem is, that he wasn't asking her to be. It's common that circumstance and compatability get jumbled and confused and this is a perfect example of that.

So, the question arises again: can a man and a woman be just friends? Is this situation common enough to make a ruling for the entire human race?

Thirteen hours of love

If you had to choose between being in love for the next 13 hours and then dying, or living until the age of 98 without ever experiencing love which would you choose?

This question was posed during a conversation in my office the other day. Interestingly enough my co-worker chose option B and was just as passionate about his answer as I am about mine.

For me the answer is easy. Without even a thought I would pick 13 hours of love. Maybe it's because I have experienced the overwhelming, all-consuming feelings of love; to me it is the best feeling in the world and choosing that for a limited time over never experiencing it at all is a no brainer. Even despite the heartbreak and letdown of broken dreams and unmet expectations that I have experienced I truly believe that love, even if for only for 13 hours as in this case, is completely worth it.

I don't think there is an experience or material item in this world that could live up to or replace the feeling you get when your heart is full and you know you would go to the ends of the earth to make another person happy and they would do the same for you.

How would you answer this question and why?

New Kids on the Block -- July 11, 2009

I'm just putting this out there, but if you're single and looking for that special someone, a New Kids on the Block concert is NOT the place to do it -- unless of course you are a guy(especially if your name happens to be Jordan, Donnie, Joe, Jon or Danny). Last night thousands of women(all over 21 years of age)packed into The Pearl at the The Palms Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas to relive the heart thumping memories from nearly 20 years ago when New Kids on the Block originally took the stage. But the night for me was not a scouting venture but rather simply a chance to see if the five guys I remember from my childhood still had it in them to bring me to my feet and scream irrationally. The easy answer to this is, yes, though the stories surrounding this evening are much more entertaining than that simple answer implies.

The chance to relive my childhood and go to last night's concert was not originally a planned adventure. It wasn't until around 12:15 yesterday afternoon that I received a text from a friend asking me if I wanted to go to see NKOTB. In general I would expect this type of invitation from one of my girlfriends, but in this case it came from a guy. Odd right? Maybe, except it just so happened his mom hooked him up with the tickets and he happens to be the type of guy who's up for anything, lucky me.

When we walked into the arena the energy and the scene was pretty incredible: thousands of grown women, some wearing NKOTB shirts, others toting signs declaring their love for their favorite band boy. As we got settled into our seats on the first row of the balcony, I don't think there is a bad seat in The Pearl, we began chatting with the women around us. It was clear that no one realized my friend and I were only friends, but that was part of the fun. In fact I think he may have become one woman's dream man simply because he was at the concert and she had already assumed that I dragged him along. This woman has seen more than 30 New Kids shows and has had the opportunity to meet the band on various occasions. I can only imagine the thousands of dollars, if not tens of thousands, she has invested in following the band around the country. Good for her, that's passion, but I can't think of one band or celebrity that I am motivated to do the same for.

After the extremely talented dance crew Jabbawockeez did there thing on the dance floor and the New Kids show was underway it was clear that despite the decades that have passed the boys have not lost the sex appeal that made them famous and every woman was mesmerized by it. Watching all the other women around me swept away by the performance made me think how despite the fact that most of these women have never met or had meaningful interaction with the members of NKOTB, some seem to still have preconceived fantasies of who they are. Based on the signs being flailed around the arena,the lustful looks in so many eyes and just how many of them knew all the words to the songs, I wouldn't be shocked if many of these women still think they would be perfect for any of these guys if they just had the opportunity. (One sign in particular that caught my eye said: "Even Lesbians Love Donnie.")But who these guys are on stage is most likely far from who they are in real life. I think proof of that could been seen during the show by Jon's performance. If you have followed NKOTB for any length of time, then you know that Jon is the older brother of Jordan and has often been portrayed as the shy one. This may be true, but it looked more like he would rather be anywhere but on stage last night. His dance moves were lazy and he even sat on stage and covered his face as his name was voluntarily chanted by the audience. He clearly isn't thrilled with the boy band sexpot stereotype and isn't comfortable with who his fans think he is.

Not to read to deeply into this (it was a New Kids concert after all) but I think often we do this same thing in real relationships. We go into it with preconceived notions of who the other person is (or who we want them to be) and in the worst case scenario avoid obvious signs that things are not how we expect them to be and find ourselves frustrated and let down when that person changes, or we finally acknowledge that things are not how we thought they were. Instead of the relationship thriving one person reacts like Jon and just wants to get the heck off that stage.

If the night didn't prove that I can find a relationship lesson in any circumstance, then it definitely proved I am not one to take myself too seriously. I had an awesome time reconnecting with my inner 10 year old. And on top of that the New Kids did not disappoint -- they even appeared scattered throughout the audience to sing one song. At times I found myself laughing in complete amazement that I was even at the concert. But for me this life is about experiences and if that means attending a New Kids on the Block concert with a good friend, then so be it!

Lessons in Love

So, obviously I am a single lady so you are probably wondering, "what lessons in love could you possibly have to share?" Well, I guess those who can't do, watch. Lucky for me I have an abundance of people to learn from -- let me set the stage for this lesson.

Yesterday I returned from spending six days in Colorado with my friends and family. During my visit I stayed with my brother and his wife in their new home in Denver. This trip marks the most time my brother and I have spent together in the town in which we grew up probably since I was 12-years-old. With five years separating us, my brother and I spent most of our youth teasing one another and turning every place we went together into our own personal wrestling ring. Now, though the number of candles on our birthday cakes indicate many years have passed, little about our relationship has changed except I can say our friendship and appreciation for one another has grown. Being with my brother gives the ten-year-old inside of me a chance to come out and play. Together we enjoy jokes only a second grader would tell, insults that aren't really insulting and, above all else, The Hole Game. (If you are unaware of what this game is and how it works, I urge you to click the link. You can thank me later.) The best part about the adolescent fun and games is that it's no longer just the two of us, my sister-in-law doesn't just tolerate it, she usually joins in. I guess this is one of the many reasons why their relationship works. The couple that plays together stays together. In fact, at the end of this month my brother and sister-in-law will celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary.

If I had to take a lesson in love from observing my brother and his wife it would be this: love is a choice. My brother and sister-in-law make an effort to enjoy even the insignificant trips to the grocery store together and actively engage in what the other enjoys. I am always pleasantly surprised when my brother finds something new to obsess over -- whether it's wine or saltwater aquarims -- how my sister-in-law finds a way to not only watch but actively particpate in his hobbies. Even a close friend mentioned while I was visiting how he wishes he had what they have found. Don't be fooled, their love didn't just fall into their laps and it's not a marriage you only hear about in fairy tales, I think they would be the first to tell you that. What they have is real because they both make an effort to make it work. I have heard too many times people say love shouldn't be work -- but what I have learned from observing strong couples is that it is work, but the reward is more than worth it.

The Friend Zone

Last night I spent the Fourth of July in Colorado with two of my best friends in the world, Big Andy and Rambling Ray. These guys have been in my life through thick and thin for more than a decade and our friendships have survived despite distance and even some rocky times. With not much of a plan the three of us headed out to Northglenn to spend the later part of the evening with Big Andy's friend -- we'll call her Georgia Peach for the sake of the story -- and her friends and family. The nickname is fitting for Georgia because she seemed to be a genuine person, gracious host and couldn't have been more welcoming to me: someone she has never met. From experience as the best friends to guys (especially good looking, fun and interesting friends like mine), other girls don't always lay down the welcome mat and pull you in with open arms. Luckily, I pose little threat and am generally like able myself.

As we drove across town Big Andy mentioned in passing that he and Georgia were friends only of the platonic kind -- making it clear that the line has been drawn and they live in what I call, the "Friend Zone." Shortly after arriving it was unclear whether Georgia had taken up permanent residency in Big Andy's Friend Zone or if she was simply renting to own. Georgia is not only beautiful but is a very affectionate open person -- even to people she knows very little about (I can attest to this personally) so figuring out what her intentions were took some time. However, by the end of the night I believe all the signs showed clearly that Miss Georgia's time in the Friend Zone will be short term -- if she has any say in it.

This situation made me think more about the Friend Zone and made me wonder if this term has the same definition to men and women and begs the age old question, can men and women be just friends? To answer the first part of this equation, I would say men and women often interpret the term differently, especially in the beginning of a friendship. In the beginning both parties are establishing boundaries and trying to find out if the other is worthy of a higher relationship status. I think often women use the Friend Zone to get insider information and buy some time to make a more educated decision on where they want things to go. This is one of those times men will never understand why women say one thing and do another. On the other hand, I think men enter the Friend Zone with true intentions but can often be easily swayed especially if physical attraction exists.

The Friend Zone can be a tricky place to be if one person wants to take the next step into relationship territory and the other is not interested in doing so. This decision to push things to the next level will be the deciding factor in whether the friendship will live or die. If both people don't feel the same way this is usually where it ends. It happens less often that the boundaries are tested and a friendship is salvaged because this requires pride to be put aside, but it can happen. Though the friendship is more likely to survive in this situation if the woman is the one with stronger feelings. It's simply how the female mind is wired (that's how we roll); especially if the friendship has gone beyond the superficial surface and an emotional connection exists. Women tend to be more forgiving and willing to weigh the pros and cons, where as a man is more likely to be looking for one thing and more willing to walk away if things don't go his way.

So, can men and women really be friends? I say, absolutely, though the depth of the friendship and the chances of it lasting are based on the circumstances in which the two meet and the season of life in which each person is currently in. It's much harder to establish a BFF friendship with someone of the opposite sex if you either are in a relationship. Though other types of friendships can exist as long as both understand boundaries. From my own personal experience my best guy friends were developed a long time ago.

So, will Big Andy and Georgia Peach's friendship survive the flirty initial stage of the Friend Zone? The jury is currently out, but I hope so. Who couldn't use another friend?

The grass is always greener

In my case this is completely true. I am visiting my family and friends in Colorado for the fourth of July weekend and there is no doubt Denver is much greener than the desert landscape of Las Vegas. But figuratively this seems to be a fitting cliche, as well. There is no doubt in my mind that I love Las Vegas and it's surrounding cities but there is something about Colorado that is both sentimental and refreshing. I left Colorado ten years ago to attend UNLV and in a lot of ways have never looked back. After graduating I was hired at the firm in which I had interned and between my developing career, a blossoming relationship with my boyfriend and the little pet family we had acquired I had begun to build my life in the heat of Vegas. But now after the end of a significant relationship in my life it feels like I am seeing the world through different eyes. Not just restricted to the world I have created in Vegas. It seems like opportunities are everywhere and I have found a renewed sense of excitement for the world around me. (Imagine that, me -- little Miss Positivity, surprised?)

Case in point: yesterday my brother, sister-in-law and I were preparing to leave their house in Denver to meet up with the rest of the family to go to Heritage Square. (If you love carnival rides, festival food and cheesy photo opps, this place is for you.) As we were getting ready to walk out the door, Charley, the fox terrier, seized the opportunity of the cracked open front door and took himself for a morning jog. My brother took off in pursuit of the dog and I followed behind running between houses and into alleyways in the urban neighborhood. After about three or four blocks I lost sight of both of them as they turned a corner and decided it would be better for me to walk back and wait for them at the house then get lost myself. It was at this time that I had a chance to take in the scenery around me. As I walked through the alleyway of dumpsters and graffiti I noticed the beautiful trees and foliage that made a regular alley seem like an inviting place to be. In the middle of my thoughts I was greeted by a guy sitting along one of the dumpsters. I responded to the greeting kindly but couldn't help but be shocked by the situation. I'm sure this alleyway transforms when the sun goes down, but in that moment it was paradise. This was only one of many situations I experienced yesterday that made me take a step back and reevaluate this place I had left a decade ago and not given much thought to since.

This situation only magnifies the happiness I feel of being near my friends and family. Despite my geographic distance my circle of friends and family have never given up on me and we have stayed close despite the miles between us.

Maybe I am only seeing the world through the rose colored glasses that vacation naturally creates, or maybe the contrast between Vegas and Denver is significant enough that normal everyday occurrences seem like little miracles simply because their different from the norm. I am not sure how or if this experience alone will significantly effect my decision of geographical location in the future, but it's yet another reminder of how everyday experiences help us form opinions that may lead to big life decisions down the line.

To any of my Vegas friends reading this, don't worry I will return home and back to the my life next week. And to my Colorado family -- the possibilities are endless. But in this moment the grass is green and I am soaking in every moment of it.

What are your stories of everyday experiences that have changed your outlook on your current situation?

I choose happiness

Tonight I attended my nephew's high school graduation. As I listened to the student's speeches, each painting a bright future with a "time to take on the world" attitude, I realized how much I have learned since I sat in a similar seat listening to frighteningly similar speeches just 10 years ago. Something clicked in my mind when one of the students said something to the affect of, "there is only one path to happiness, so choose carefully."

There is no doubt in my mind she is wrong. If there was only one path to happiness, what a sad world this would be. For one, it's the mistakes we choose to learn from that make us better people along the way. In my personal circumstance I would not be such a hopeful, happy place if it weren't for the "mistakes" I have made in my life. Secondly, I don't believe happiness is waiting to be found -- happiness is a choice we make in our lives. So, I guess that means I may have picked the "wrong" road, but as far as I am concerned, it's the right road for me.

So, how is this relevant to dating and relationships? Well, you don't have to read crazy dating advice books to know that happiness is the key to a healthy relationship. And I'm not talking about finding happiness in a relationship, I am talking about choosing true genuine happiness for yourself when no one else is around. I choose happiness (sprinkled with a lot of hope).

As for the student who spoke at graduation today, she'll find her way. She truly does have a bright future ahead and maybe for her there is only one path to happiness, but I hope not.