That dreaded question

It seems like no matter what my relationship status, there is always at least one question I absolutely dread. When I was in a relationship it was: "When are you getting married?" Now as a single lady the question that makes me cringe is "So, are you dating anyone?"

I think my anxiety to the dating question is heavily linked to the answer (which is "no") but what can I expect, especially after I have created a blog to write about my dating adventures (which haven't actually happened yet)? Today is a turning point. Today marks the end of the lease of the town home I shared with my ex and the beginning of a new chapter. Even though I have been single for over five months the finality of it seems much more real now and I am so relieved and ready to move on. I'm not in any rush to start dating -- or at least seek people to date --but I am open to the opportunity. But, because I am a big believer in time lines, I have promised two of my closest friends that I will allow them to help me get back into the big kid pool. What does this entail? Well, I have agreed to allow them to help me write a new online profile to be posted on Oct. 10. The date is mostly arbitrary other than I am planning to run a 5K on that day. If I didn't think it would be fun to write about I probably wouldn't have agreed, but what could it hurt, right?

So, I guess until then I will have to to dodge the uncomfortable questions and puppy dog looks (as if being single is a punishment) and continue to write about my random observations of relationships and other people's dating lives.

What about you, what question do you absolutely cringe at when people ask it?

Operation Fun: the role of a wedding guest

After attending a friends wedding last weekend it dawned on me that the guests play a very important role in the success of a wedding. Just like audiences play a role in the success of a play or concert, the guests participation in wedding festivities will determine the overall success of a wedding reception. First, and most important, is showing up. I wonder if people just don't understand what RSVP means anymore, by replying you are confirming you will be there and by not showing up after RSVPing you are leaving a seat open and money on the table. If you can't make it simply let the bride know in advance, she will appreciate it, trust me.

Once the wedding ceremony is over and the reception begins the job of guests is to celebrate the special day with the bride and groom. Maybe the concept of "celebration" means different things to different people, but to me it means to have fun and never forget who's day it is. Most of the time the bride and groom are so busy talking to their guests and taking part in the festivities that they don't even remember what happened when it's all over. But, if all the goes well, the party will be well captured on both photos and video for them to look back on later. Of course there are different levels of fun depending on how well you know the couple and what there expectations are for the day. These things can be figured out easily by just being observant. For example, if there is a dance floor, they want you to dance; if there is an open bar, they want you to drink (but not too much); and if there is a DJ you will be expected to join in at least one cheesy wedding tradition.

I think it's common for people to not realize they play an important role in a bride's special day. It's a time to put your concerns about your lack of rhythm away and bust a move in celebration of your friends. Trust me, they will appreciate this for years to come as stories are told and pictures are shared with those that couldn't make it. The point is that guests should go out of their way to enjoy themselves because if the guests are having a good time then chances are the bride and groom will be happy with the results.

Girlfriends: A Vital Ingredient to a Happy Life

What I lack in sisters, I have surely made up in girlfriends. They are the spice of my life. This weekend one of my friends flew in from North Carolina to attend another friends wedding. I was chosen to be her companion for the weekend and couldn't be happier about the task. I picked her up from the airport Friday morning and we spent the majority of the time giggling at each other and having an overall grand time! Whether we were laying by the pool soaking in the 110 degree heat of Las Vegas or stuck in 5 p.m. Friday traffic, it is a guarantee one of us was talking a million words a minute and the other was laughing. I don't know what I would do without her friendship. The test of a true friend is if you can pick up where you left off no matter how much time has passed since you last spoke or saw one another. This particular friendship definitely passed the test of time.

This much needed girl time reminded me just how important friendship is in general, but especially girlfriends. So often you hear women say they just don't get along with other women, but I believe these friendships are vital to a full happy life. There are some things you just can't share with a boyfriend/husband/guy friend, and I am sure they would agree some of the things we share amongst each other they would rather not know! I enjoy the deep talks as much as the goofy uncontrollable laughter and wouldn't be sane or happy without the amazing women in my life.

I was sad to say goodbye to my friend last night but it was a truly amazing (much needed) weekend -- especially because we had the chance to celebrate the marriage of another friend. Hopefully we don't wait another five years to reunite, but I know even if we do I will still have an amazing friend on my side.

I feel nothing

I have spent the past two days packing up the last four years of my life (and much more because I am a pack rat) yet I feel nothing. Anyone who spends time with me on a fairly regular basis knows I am an emotional person (I seem to feel everything), the silliest things bring a tear to my eye, yet this weekend, a weekend that marks the end of a relationship, not a tear was spilled. In fact, I didn't even feel the slightest bit of sadness. I looked through photos, love notes, gifts and even the collection of magnets my ex and I had gathered together over the last four years and still, nothing. I didn't even put much thought into giving away items that had sentimental value. Somehow I was able to separate myself from everything going on around me. I realize this is probably a very good sign, it's just funny that it took me getting home and reflecting on my weekend to realize this.


Am I cured? Am I ready to move on? Am I repressing my true feelings? As the queen of empathy this last option is highly unlikely, though in my opinion I think it's more likely to be a mixture of the first two. I guess the most reasonable answer is that this was the right decision and it's time to move on. It's funny sometimes when you stop for just long enough and realize that you have grown-up. The heart and mind are resilient things that keep on growing and changing though we may not even notice it. I guess my lack of tears and emotion are pretty standard for this break up: it ended without much fan fair or drama and it seems the final days of moving out and moving on will be pretty much the same. What a relief. This gives new meaning to the concept that you can do anything if you put your mind (and heart) to it. Even get over the end of a relationship. Go figure.

Moving Out and Moving On

One of the most cleansing activities -- in both mind, spirit and home -- is preparing to move. I don't know anyone in their right mind who enjoys moving (or the packing required to do so), but if the right steps are taken in preparation, the end result is a much more streamlined life. At the end of August I will be moving out of the condo I have lived in for the past two years and will finally close the book on a significant relationship in my life and start a new chapter. Before now, I've never looked forward to, and dreaded something so much all at the same time. I feel like I have moved on in so many ways and the final step will be handing over the keys and driving away. I am looking forward to the closure that moving will allow me to experience.

Going through boxes of old photos, journals, notes and cards has been a bitter sweet reminder of how much things change and yet stay the same. I am reminded of the people who have come in and out of my life, some staying for only a season and others reappearing and disappearing and then those who have stuck by me through thick and thin. Reading my old journals is more like reading something someone else wrote then as if I actually penned them myself. It's interesting to see what and who used to keep me up at night and how much the things that get me down have changed. The trip down memory lane has been fun but I am in a place where I am more interested in the present then dwelling the past. As a self-proclaimed pack rat this is a sign of growth in and of its self.

The process of packing and simplifying my material belongings is a good metaphor for what's happening inside my head and heart, too. Sometimes the process is painful but when all of the separating, packing and cleaning is complete I will be a much better person. I plan on keeping the good and letting go of the bad. At times I find myself wanting to place a road block over my heart and proclaim this Lane closed for construction for an eternity, but this too shall pass. I guess all of this is part of the healing process. The heart is a very forgiving and self-healing muscle if we don't let our minds get in the way.

So, wish me luck, it's time to move on.

Dating Myself

Originally I was going to title this entry, "The Big Date," but finally decided that would be misleading, especially knowing that I am supposed to be writing about my dating (mis)adventures. Unfortunately the well has been a little dry lately --mostly because I haven't made an effort to encourage dating in my life. That being said, it doesn't mean that I am sitting at home on a Friday night wallowing in my singleness. In fact, it's just the opposite. Tonight in fact I took myself out on a date. First, I went to Subway for dinner, then U Swirl for some yogurt and then a movie. You probably think I am crazy but there are several reasons why dating yourself is much easier than dating someone else:

1. You don't have to worry who's going to pay
2. No matter what you wear your date will think you look fabulous
3. Very little awkward conversation (except for the stranger who catches you talking to yourself)
4. No wondering if a kiss is going to happen at the end of the evening
5. No waiting by the phone for your date to call the next day

Some people are not comfortable doing things all alone, like seeing a movie for example, but for me it's therapeutic. I spend so much time with people at work, at home and lately a lot of traveling, it's nice to do something I want to do in a peaceful way. It heals my soul. We live in a world where very little time is spent alone and I think it can be unhealthy. Even when I am in a relationship, I try to do some things on my own. It's also a great excuse to go see movies and do things I would never want to torture a man by forcing them to go with me!

What do you do by yourself that heals your soul?

Living Intentionally

Last night I set my alarm with the intention of waking up to go to the gym at 5 a.m. Unfortunately, sleeping in my nice comfy bed seemed too enticing and I clicked snooze until about 6:45. And when I finally woke up, I felt like I had let myself down (not too mention all my Facebook friends because I mentioned it as my status the night before and received many encouraging responses). In reaction I planned to make up for my slacking ways after work with a nice hard workout. I went to the gym and was intentional with my workout. In fact, I may have worked harder tonight than I have this year. I didn't just go to the gym because it was a part of my routine, I went there with a percise result in mind and dug my heels in until I reached my goal.

It was while running around the indoor track at Las Vegas Athletic Club that it occured to me, what if I did every action in my life intentionally? I think there is a difference between the "best intentions" and living "intentionally." What would this look like? It would mean that every activity in my life would bring me a little bit closer to a specific goal. For example, if I am going to the gym but am only going purely out of routine, should I even be there at all? There is something to be said for setting a schedule to create good habits, but if the effort is not beneficial in reaching the expected result than it becomes a waste of time and energy and only leads to frustration.

The same theory can be applied to relationships. If you aren't intentionally working to create opportuinty for relationships to begin or aren't intentionally taking part of an existing one, what's the point? It's like planting flowers but not giving them water and sunlight. This theory can easily apply to friendships, work relationships and love relationships.

So, how does this change what I will do tomorrow? Well, when my alarm chimes bright and early and I feel like going back to bed I am going to take a second in my sleepiness to think what would be the most effective use of my time. And, if I go back to bed and skip the gym then it was probably the right decision. Regarding relationships -- of the love, platonic and business kinds -- I am going to make a more intentional effort to make the people in my life feel important. Life is busy, but should never be too busy for this. I think it is being intentional in this way that will bring true love into my life. Who knows, maybe it's already here and it just needs a little water and some sunshine.

The Friend Zone: Part Two

A month or so ago while visiting Colorado, I wrote a post called "The Friend Zone" which questioned if a man and a woman can truly have a platonic friendship and described a scenario between my friend Big Andy and his "friend" Georgia. Well, it seems the story finally has an ending.

Last week Georgia finally gave up the game and confessed her true intentions. As I assumed the friend zone was really the test zone. She may have truly thought friendship was what she was looking for but her heart disagreed. So, this is the part of the story where either the friendship becomes a relationship or Georgia sucks it up and makes the best of the situation or the friendship ends all together. Unfortunately, I think the odds are against this one. Georgia and Andy have not known each other long enough for a long lasting friendship to truly take root and she is young enough to not really care.

If the two decide a relationship is what they want I am not sure it would last long. Georgia is excited by the thrill of the chase and less concerned about whether he's the right one. It's not often that she must hunt her prey and once the chase is over so will be the thrill of it all. I give her credit for saving some face the next day with a text message claiming SHE'S not ready; but the problem is, that he wasn't asking her to be. It's common that circumstance and compatability get jumbled and confused and this is a perfect example of that.

So, the question arises again: can a man and a woman be just friends? Is this situation common enough to make a ruling for the entire human race?