"Be the Ball"

Lately one of my best friends and I have been walking the track at the gym (we call it the Track of Truth) and solving the world's problems. Ok, so maybe that's giving ourselves too much credit, but there is no doubt that gems of wisdom come out of these moments. The other day as we literally walked in circles she said to me, "be the ball." Though I am not sure exactly what this means I think she's right. At least my interpretation seems relevant.

I'm a type A personality. An activator. When things need to happen I jump into action. Sitting back, watching and waiting for something, anything, to happen, has never been my strength. So, when she said"be the ball" I think she meant that I need to work on letting things happen instead of "bouncing the ball" all of the time.

A few weeks ago, after a rough dating experience, I declared myself off the dating market for the remainder of the year. But then, I couldn't help myself. I had set up an unpaid profile with chemistry.com a few months back and had received a few hits. Unfortunately the only way to see who was interested was to pay-up. The curiosity was killing me, so I did it. No, this was not me "being the ball," but believe it or not it was a step in the right direction. Chemistry.com is a site similar to eharmony.com, but was created by the same company as Match.com. If Match can be compared to the Yellow Pages of dating sites, then Chemistry is more like a virtual match-maker. You can't search for prospects or look through other profiles. You only can review the profiles that the site chooses for you. This takes away a lot of control. Then, there are three steps that must be taken before any uncontrolled email communication can happen. Sounds frustrating, right? Absolutely. Especially for a control freak like me. But maybe it's what I need. It's time to lose control --or give it up, rather.

It makes me wonder if action has become more important to me then results in my dating life. Well, as uncomfortable as it can be I am rolling with it, or is it bouncing? Either way, I am working my way through this. It seems like some of the best things happen to us when we let go and let things happen. So, I'm ready, bring it on. So, that means things happen the way I have planned or if things naturally progress, I'm ready for it.

10 Reasons it Doesn't Suck to be Single During the Holidays

The 80 degree weather in Vegas may not be a clear sign that the holidays are right around the corner, but the fact is that the calendar doesn't lie. It's nearing mid-November and Santa has already arrived at some shopping locations along with Christmas trees and holiday decor. This is supposed to be the happiest time of year, but for many it means a packed schedule of holiday parties and corporate events, gift buying and family related stress to boot. And, if you're single (like me), you may be wishing you had a magical fast forward button to make it all fly by in a flash. But being the optimist I am, I believe there is a bright side to being single, especially this holiday season.

So here it is. . .

10 Reasons it Doesn't Suck to be Single During the Holidays

1. The gift of more time. This means more time to party, shop, volunteer or whatever it is that makes your heart sing. No one likes a Scrooge so find something that will put you in the spirit. Maybe it's something you've never done before. The fact is happiness is one of the most powerful people attractors, so who knows, you might find someone to spend your extra time with when you least expect it.

2. The gift of money. Because you won't be showering Mr. Wrong with Christmas gifts (or whatever your holiday of choice may be), that means more green in your pocket this year. Do something nice for yourself -- maybe a little "mani-pedi" in preparation for the holiday party madness, or a plane ticket to see family and friends during the holidays. Or maybe this is just an opportunity for you stay within your budget this year or even save a little money for a rainy day. Whatever you do, look at this as a chance to try something new.

3. One schedule is better than two. You are not obligated to think twice when making holiday plans because you are only responsible for the plans you make, not the ones a significant other might be making for you. Just think, you can attend that cheesy sweater party that you secretly look forward to every year without having to listen to the complaints of a boyfriend.

4. Bring on the Christmas cheer. If you enjoy Christmas music and movies you have the freedom of listening and watching to your hearts content. If "The Little Drummer Boy" is what keeps a smile on your face, turn up the volume and hit repeat. Or grab a box of tissues, some eggnog and snuggle under a warm blanket and watch "Love Actually." No one will complain so get in the spirit!

5. No need to pretend you like his mother's cooking. Let's face it, not every Mom is blessed with the cooking skills of Betty Crocker, Rachel Ray or Paula Dean. But this year you are free from the chains of politeness. And who knows, it might mean that your jeans still fit after your holiday feast. (I did mention I'm an optimist, right?)

6. Less present opening anxiety. You may never be able to stop cringing when you receive your annual fruit cake from Aunt Ida but you won't have to worry about what gift will (or won't) be waiting for you from your Man. Take this from a girl who received a can opener for Christmas one year and not much else. (There's a pretty good reason I am single !)

7. No family time tug-o'-war. If you've ever lived in the same city as your family and your significant others, you know the struggles and stress the holidays can bring when deciding how to spend your time. This doesn't alleviate the stress your own family might cause during the season of family festivities, but it should (hopefully) be a little less painful. Enjoy it, you won't be single forever.

8. Cut your shopping in half. Not only are you not required to buy presents for him, you don't have to buy gifts for his family either. This also means less time playing Sherlock Holmes trying to find out what to get for people you may not know well to start with.

9. Being single is a license to look. The holiday season is bound to fill your calendar with all different types of activities, many with people you may only see once a year. Some parties and holiday festivities are more single friendly than others, but keep your eyes open -- you might just meet Mr. Right. Even if you don't meet a man during all of your social outings, you never know who might have the perfect guy in mind just for you. Use your best judgment based on the source of the matchmaker, but if you don't at least put it out there, you will never know who you might meet.

10. Variety is the spice of life. Just because you're single doesn't mean you're not dating. Use holiday parties as a test for a guy that maybe you're not sure about. This can be tricky, especially depending on your choice of family and friends, but ultimately the risk is low. You might find out that you have a lot more in common with a guy you've been dating or ridicule from your inner circle might be just the nudge you need to move on. It's just one night, right? And, no matter how it turns out you may be creating stories to tell the grand children.

Whatever you do this holiday season, don't let your relationship status get in the way of enjoying time with your friends and family.

Instant Gratification Dating

It sounds crazy, right? But in a time of high-speed this, instant that and immediate who knows what, I guess it's not a surprise that relationships can go this way, too. Honestly, I'm not sure if this is a trend or simply because I am getting a little older, but it seems like dating leads either to a dead end or to a committed relationship faster than ever before.

For me personally, I think it's easy to fall into a relationship quickly if a guy shows me that he possesses the qualities I am looking for early on. I know what I am looking for but this alone can be dangerous to a relationship early on. People tend to show a shinier version of themselves at the beginning and are more willing to be on their best behavior which can be inconsistent with who they are once they become comfortable with a relationship. So, I guess the trick is to be confident in what I am looking for, but be more careful in assuming that another person is exactly how they present themselves. Anyone else a little dizzy after reading this paragraph?

I'm not the only one though. I have a close friend who is currently on the relationship fast track. She met her boyfriend in June online and spoke to him for a few months while he was serving in the military in Iraq. He arrived back in Vegas in early September and they are now planning their wedding (though he has not proposed yet).

So why is this happening? Does online dating speed up the courting process? In my friend's situation, is it because her man is in the military that the there is such an urgency to tie the proverbial knot? What's the trick to knowing if you are moving too fast?