Thursday, July 30, 2009

Thirteen hours of love

If you had to choose between being in love for the next 13 hours and then dying, or living until the age of 98 without ever experiencing love which would you choose?

This question was posed during a conversation in my office the other day. Interestingly enough my co-worker chose option B and was just as passionate about his answer as I am about mine.

For me the answer is easy. Without even a thought I would pick 13 hours of love. Maybe it's because I have experienced the overwhelming, all-consuming feelings of love; to me it is the best feeling in the world and choosing that for a limited time over never experiencing it at all is a no brainer. Even despite the heartbreak and letdown of broken dreams and unmet expectations that I have experienced I truly believe that love, even if for only for 13 hours as in this case, is completely worth it.

I don't think there is an experience or material item in this world that could live up to or replace the feeling you get when your heart is full and you know you would go to the ends of the earth to make another person happy and they would do the same for you.

How would you answer this question and why?

Saturday, July 25, 2009

What a gentleman

As part of my Self Magazine subscription each month I have been chosen as a "Self Insider." This sounds much more important than it really is. Basically I receive marketing surveys from time-to-time that help their advertisers and various partners find out how effective their ads are in reaching Self readers. As a marketing guru, I always take the surveys out of professional curiosity. But last week the survey caught my eye for other reasons. The questionnaire was on behalf of GQ Magazine who wanted to know how women define a gentleman and how that role has changed over the last 50 years.

To me the word gentleman brings up images of the good looking male characters from the AMC show "Mad Men" dressed in suits, drinking brandy and smoking cigarettes. But as with any stereotype I don't think this even begins to hit on what a gentleman truly is -- though this may have been accurate 50 years ago. I think a gentleman has always been defined first by his social status, career and whether he holds open doors for his lady but I think there is less weight in these things today.

Take Hugh Jackman for example. To me he is a celebrity who personifies the qualities of a gentleman. Everything I have ever heard about him beyond his talent as an actor and a performer has been positive and he always seems to be charming and delightful. Not to mention the kind and loving way he talks about his wife and children. But is that all it takes to be a gentleman? Charm, good looks and a happy marriage? No way. Jackman is also well known as a community activist and a all-round-do-gooder -- to me this is the most important ingredient of what makes a man a gentleman. If a man is willing to take a stand to make the world a better place then he is hopefully doing the same in his personal life.

Interestingly enough the last several questions of the survey for GQ were related to how important community involvement is when defining a man as a gentlemen. How I answered these questions is pretty obvious, but I will be curious if this information is used for a future story how the majority responded. Will being community minded be as important to others as it is to me? What qualities do you think defines a gentleman?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Mac or PC ?

What if you used the same criteria in choosing a mate as you did in picking a computer? What would happen? What would he (or she) be like? This thought occurred to me last week while working at a video shoot for a client. As I glanced around the room dominated mostly by Macs, though a few PCs were present as well, I wondered if those computers were men which type would be more attractive to me. It can easily be argued that this line of thinking is completely absurd, shallow even, but that's not the point.

As I pondered this idea and stared into my own Mac's screen I thought about the reasons I like my computer and why I chose it over a PC. To me my Mac embodies creativity, simplicity and individuality. It's sleek, hip, easy to use and even virus free. My Mac's not cheap yet it's worth the investment, it has a sense of humor and it's not bad looking to boot. These are all qualities I value, so why not look for them in a man, too?

I think the point is really understanding what you want, whether you're looking for a computer or a date. I found this really awesome computer at Best Buy for a great price but it didn't have the right software capabilities so I decided to pass up the deal and keep looking. I think a similar thought process is relevant in relationships. Once you have identified a deal breaker it's time to move on. That IS the point of dating, otherwise we would all marry the first person we ever hit it off with or were attracted to --can you imagine?

Who knows maybe my next boyfriend will be more of a PC then a Mac, I'm open minded, as long as the above qualities are part of his hard drive. So, how about you -- Mac or PC?

Sunday, July 12, 2009

New Kids on the Block -- July 11, 2009

I'm just putting this out there, but if you're single and looking for that special someone, a New Kids on the Block concert is NOT the place to do it -- unless of course you are a guy(especially if your name happens to be Jordan, Donnie, Joe, Jon or Danny). Last night thousands of women(all over 21 years of age)packed into The Pearl at the The Palms Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas to relive the heart thumping memories from nearly 20 years ago when New Kids on the Block originally took the stage. But the night for me was not a scouting venture but rather simply a chance to see if the five guys I remember from my childhood still had it in them to bring me to my feet and scream irrationally. The easy answer to this is, yes, though the stories surrounding this evening are much more entertaining than that simple answer implies.

The chance to relive my childhood and go to last night's concert was not originally a planned adventure. It wasn't until around 12:15 yesterday afternoon that I received a text from a friend asking me if I wanted to go to see NKOTB. In general I would expect this type of invitation from one of my girlfriends, but in this case it came from a guy. Odd right? Maybe, except it just so happened his mom hooked him up with the tickets and he happens to be the type of guy who's up for anything, lucky me.

When we walked into the arena the energy and the scene was pretty incredible: thousands of grown women, some wearing NKOTB shirts, others toting signs declaring their love for their favorite band boy. As we got settled into our seats on the first row of the balcony, I don't think there is a bad seat in The Pearl, we began chatting with the women around us. It was clear that no one realized my friend and I were only friends, but that was part of the fun. In fact I think he may have become one woman's dream man simply because he was at the concert and she had already assumed that I dragged him along. This woman has seen more than 30 New Kids shows and has had the opportunity to meet the band on various occasions. I can only imagine the thousands of dollars, if not tens of thousands, she has invested in following the band around the country. Good for her, that's passion, but I can't think of one band or celebrity that I am motivated to do the same for.

After the extremely talented dance crew Jabbawockeez did there thing on the dance floor and the New Kids show was underway it was clear that despite the decades that have passed the boys have not lost the sex appeal that made them famous and every woman was mesmerized by it. Watching all the other women around me swept away by the performance made me think how despite the fact that most of these women have never met or had meaningful interaction with the members of NKOTB, some seem to still have preconceived fantasies of who they are. Based on the signs being flailed around the arena,the lustful looks in so many eyes and just how many of them knew all the words to the songs, I wouldn't be shocked if many of these women still think they would be perfect for any of these guys if they just had the opportunity. (One sign in particular that caught my eye said: "Even Lesbians Love Donnie.")But who these guys are on stage is most likely far from who they are in real life. I think proof of that could been seen during the show by Jon's performance. If you have followed NKOTB for any length of time, then you know that Jon is the older brother of Jordan and has often been portrayed as the shy one. This may be true, but it looked more like he would rather be anywhere but on stage last night. His dance moves were lazy and he even sat on stage and covered his face as his name was voluntarily chanted by the audience. He clearly isn't thrilled with the boy band sexpot stereotype and isn't comfortable with who his fans think he is.

Not to read to deeply into this (it was a New Kids concert after all) but I think often we do this same thing in real relationships. We go into it with preconceived notions of who the other person is (or who we want them to be) and in the worst case scenario avoid obvious signs that things are not how we expect them to be and find ourselves frustrated and let down when that person changes, or we finally acknowledge that things are not how we thought they were. Instead of the relationship thriving one person reacts like Jon and just wants to get the heck off that stage.

If the night didn't prove that I can find a relationship lesson in any circumstance, then it definitely proved I am not one to take myself too seriously. I had an awesome time reconnecting with my inner 10 year old. And on top of that the New Kids did not disappoint -- they even appeared scattered throughout the audience to sing one song. At times I found myself laughing in complete amazement that I was even at the concert. But for me this life is about experiences and if that means attending a New Kids on the Block concert with a good friend, then so be it!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Writer's block?

Five or six years ago I helped my step brother write his online dating profile which eventually led to the meeting of his wife. Though we laugh and joke that I may have been a little generous with my words, the profile did it's job. If I only knew then that people would pay a pretty penny for a similar service maybe my career path would have been different (probably not).

The Guy's Perspective.com is one of many Websites that create online dating profiles and offers dating consulting for a fee. I am not sure how I feel about having someone else writing an online profile for me (forget the fact that I have helped others write their own profile), or better yet knowing that an online prospect may not have created their own profile. Writing style and voice can tell a lot about a person and if someone else is writing on their behalf this could be misleading. This also brings up some ethical questions for both the companies and individuals. As I read through the example offered on the site I was impressed yet cynical. I also did a Google search for online profile writing services that revealed this is not really that unique of a business model. Below are a review of a few of the profile writing sites as well as a review of The Guy's Perspective.com.

I liked the look of this Website as well as the tone in which it is written. The site seems to be targeting women in their early to mid-twenties who are looking for a guy's perspective (good choice on the name!). Though this was the most expensive service of the one's I reviewed, with a price tag of $165, it seemed to offer the most comprehensive of services from complete profile creation to photo advice and dating consulting. The Guy's Perspective approach is a collaborative process which I believe is important and also gives them a competitive edge. The collaborative method shows in the writing style which impressed me. Also, the blog on the site is updated on a regular basis and dating questions are answered and posted for anyone to read.

This website was created by Kate Houston, an award winning writer in advertising with over 20 years of experience. I wasn't blown away by the design or sample profiles on the site. I felt like the voices of the individuals in the samples was completely lost once converted to the final product. Based on the testimonials alone, Houston's customers are men and women from in the age range of late 30s to early 50s. The cost for this service is in the middle at $80 for creation of a profile. Profiles are created by completing a questionnaire that is available on the site.
Of the three sites I reviewed, this one has the most corporate feel by far. In addition to the website, the service also offers a toll free number and an online chat feature. The sample profiles seemed to be more of an edit of the original version than a complete profile overhaul. The demographic this site serves seems to be men and women from their late 20s to mid-to-late 40s.ProfileHelper.com offers three services at varying price ranges: profile creation (starting at $69.95), profile makeover (starting at $39.95) and photo services (starting at $15.95).

I am still a little hesitant when it comes to profile writing services, however I think they can be useful for the right person who just needs a little direction. What are your thoughts? Do you think services such as these make it even harder to trust the person on the other side of the computer?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Lessons in Love

So, obviously I am a single lady so you are probably wondering, "what lessons in love could you possibly have to share?" Well, I guess those who can't do, watch. Lucky for me I have an abundance of people to learn from -- let me set the stage for this lesson.

Yesterday I returned from spending six days in Colorado with my friends and family. During my visit I stayed with my brother and his wife in their new home in Denver. This trip marks the most time my brother and I have spent together in the town in which we grew up probably since I was 12-years-old. With five years separating us, my brother and I spent most of our youth teasing one another and turning every place we went together into our own personal wrestling ring. Now, though the number of candles on our birthday cakes indicate many years have passed, little about our relationship has changed except I can say our friendship and appreciation for one another has grown. Being with my brother gives the ten-year-old inside of me a chance to come out and play. Together we enjoy jokes only a second grader would tell, insults that aren't really insulting and, above all else, The Hole Game. (If you are unaware of what this game is and how it works, I urge you to click the link. You can thank me later.) The best part about the adolescent fun and games is that it's no longer just the two of us, my sister-in-law doesn't just tolerate it, she usually joins in. I guess this is one of the many reasons why their relationship works. The couple that plays together stays together. In fact, at the end of this month my brother and sister-in-law will celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary.

If I had to take a lesson in love from observing my brother and his wife it would be this: love is a choice. My brother and sister-in-law make an effort to enjoy even the insignificant trips to the grocery store together and actively engage in what the other enjoys. I am always pleasantly surprised when my brother finds something new to obsess over -- whether it's wine or saltwater aquarims -- how my sister-in-law finds a way to not only watch but actively particpate in his hobbies. Even a close friend mentioned while I was visiting how he wishes he had what they have found. Don't be fooled, their love didn't just fall into their laps and it's not a marriage you only hear about in fairy tales, I think they would be the first to tell you that. What they have is real because they both make an effort to make it work. I have heard too many times people say love shouldn't be work -- but what I have learned from observing strong couples is that it is work, but the reward is more than worth it.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

The Friend Zone

Last night I spent the Fourth of July in Colorado with two of my best friends in the world, Big Andy and Rambling Ray. These guys have been in my life through thick and thin for more than a decade and our friendships have survived despite distance and even some rocky times. With not much of a plan the three of us headed out to Northglenn to spend the later part of the evening with Big Andy's friend -- we'll call her Georgia Peach for the sake of the story -- and her friends and family. The nickname is fitting for Georgia because she seemed to be a genuine person, gracious host and couldn't have been more welcoming to me: someone she has never met. From experience as the best friends to guys (especially good looking, fun and interesting friends like mine), other girls don't always lay down the welcome mat and pull you in with open arms. Luckily, I pose little threat and am generally like able myself.

As we drove across town Big Andy mentioned in passing that he and Georgia were friends only of the platonic kind -- making it clear that the line has been drawn and they live in what I call, the "Friend Zone." Shortly after arriving it was unclear whether Georgia had taken up permanent residency in Big Andy's Friend Zone or if she was simply renting to own. Georgia is not only beautiful but is a very affectionate open person -- even to people she knows very little about (I can attest to this personally) so figuring out what her intentions were took some time. However, by the end of the night I believe all the signs showed clearly that Miss Georgia's time in the Friend Zone will be short term -- if she has any say in it.

This situation made me think more about the Friend Zone and made me wonder if this term has the same definition to men and women and begs the age old question, can men and women be just friends? To answer the first part of this equation, I would say men and women often interpret the term differently, especially in the beginning of a friendship. In the beginning both parties are establishing boundaries and trying to find out if the other is worthy of a higher relationship status. I think often women use the Friend Zone to get insider information and buy some time to make a more educated decision on where they want things to go. This is one of those times men will never understand why women say one thing and do another. On the other hand, I think men enter the Friend Zone with true intentions but can often be easily swayed especially if physical attraction exists.

The Friend Zone can be a tricky place to be if one person wants to take the next step into relationship territory and the other is not interested in doing so. This decision to push things to the next level will be the deciding factor in whether the friendship will live or die. If both people don't feel the same way this is usually where it ends. It happens less often that the boundaries are tested and a friendship is salvaged because this requires pride to be put aside, but it can happen. Though the friendship is more likely to survive in this situation if the woman is the one with stronger feelings. It's simply how the female mind is wired (that's how we roll); especially if the friendship has gone beyond the superficial surface and an emotional connection exists. Women tend to be more forgiving and willing to weigh the pros and cons, where as a man is more likely to be looking for one thing and more willing to walk away if things don't go his way.

So, can men and women really be friends? I say, absolutely, though the depth of the friendship and the chances of it lasting are based on the circumstances in which the two meet and the season of life in which each person is currently in. It's much harder to establish a BFF friendship with someone of the opposite sex if you either are in a relationship. Though other types of friendships can exist as long as both understand boundaries. From my own personal experience my best guy friends were developed a long time ago.

So, will Big Andy and Georgia Peach's friendship survive the flirty initial stage of the Friend Zone? The jury is currently out, but I hope so. Who couldn't use another friend?

Saturday, July 4, 2009

The grass is always greener

In my case this is completely true. I am visiting my family and friends in Colorado for the fourth of July weekend and there is no doubt Denver is much greener than the desert landscape of Las Vegas. But figuratively this seems to be a fitting cliche, as well. There is no doubt in my mind that I love Las Vegas and it's surrounding cities but there is something about Colorado that is both sentimental and refreshing. I left Colorado ten years ago to attend UNLV and in a lot of ways have never looked back. After graduating I was hired at the firm in which I had interned and between my developing career, a blossoming relationship with my boyfriend and the little pet family we had acquired I had begun to build my life in the heat of Vegas. But now after the end of a significant relationship in my life it feels like I am seeing the world through different eyes. Not just restricted to the world I have created in Vegas. It seems like opportunities are everywhere and I have found a renewed sense of excitement for the world around me. (Imagine that, me -- little Miss Positivity, surprised?)

Case in point: yesterday my brother, sister-in-law and I were preparing to leave their house in Denver to meet up with the rest of the family to go to Heritage Square. (If you love carnival rides, festival food and cheesy photo opps, this place is for you.) As we were getting ready to walk out the door, Charley, the fox terrier, seized the opportunity of the cracked open front door and took himself for a morning jog. My brother took off in pursuit of the dog and I followed behind running between houses and into alleyways in the urban neighborhood. After about three or four blocks I lost sight of both of them as they turned a corner and decided it would be better for me to walk back and wait for them at the house then get lost myself. It was at this time that I had a chance to take in the scenery around me. As I walked through the alleyway of dumpsters and graffiti I noticed the beautiful trees and foliage that made a regular alley seem like an inviting place to be. In the middle of my thoughts I was greeted by a guy sitting along one of the dumpsters. I responded to the greeting kindly but couldn't help but be shocked by the situation. I'm sure this alleyway transforms when the sun goes down, but in that moment it was paradise. This was only one of many situations I experienced yesterday that made me take a step back and reevaluate this place I had left a decade ago and not given much thought to since.

This situation only magnifies the happiness I feel of being near my friends and family. Despite my geographic distance my circle of friends and family have never given up on me and we have stayed close despite the miles between us.

Maybe I am only seeing the world through the rose colored glasses that vacation naturally creates, or maybe the contrast between Vegas and Denver is significant enough that normal everyday occurrences seem like little miracles simply because their different from the norm. I am not sure how or if this experience alone will significantly effect my decision of geographical location in the future, but it's yet another reminder of how everyday experiences help us form opinions that may lead to big life decisions down the line.

To any of my Vegas friends reading this, don't worry I will return home and back to the my life next week. And to my Colorado family -- the possibilities are endless. But in this moment the grass is green and I am soaking in every moment of it.

What are your stories of everyday experiences that have changed your outlook on your current situation?