The Friend Zone

Last night I spent the Fourth of July in Colorado with two of my best friends in the world, Big Andy and Rambling Ray. These guys have been in my life through thick and thin for more than a decade and our friendships have survived despite distance and even some rocky times. With not much of a plan the three of us headed out to Northglenn to spend the later part of the evening with Big Andy's friend -- we'll call her Georgia Peach for the sake of the story -- and her friends and family. The nickname is fitting for Georgia because she seemed to be a genuine person, gracious host and couldn't have been more welcoming to me: someone she has never met. From experience as the best friends to guys (especially good looking, fun and interesting friends like mine), other girls don't always lay down the welcome mat and pull you in with open arms. Luckily, I pose little threat and am generally like able myself.

As we drove across town Big Andy mentioned in passing that he and Georgia were friends only of the platonic kind -- making it clear that the line has been drawn and they live in what I call, the "Friend Zone." Shortly after arriving it was unclear whether Georgia had taken up permanent residency in Big Andy's Friend Zone or if she was simply renting to own. Georgia is not only beautiful but is a very affectionate open person -- even to people she knows very little about (I can attest to this personally) so figuring out what her intentions were took some time. However, by the end of the night I believe all the signs showed clearly that Miss Georgia's time in the Friend Zone will be short term -- if she has any say in it.

This situation made me think more about the Friend Zone and made me wonder if this term has the same definition to men and women and begs the age old question, can men and women be just friends? To answer the first part of this equation, I would say men and women often interpret the term differently, especially in the beginning of a friendship. In the beginning both parties are establishing boundaries and trying to find out if the other is worthy of a higher relationship status. I think often women use the Friend Zone to get insider information and buy some time to make a more educated decision on where they want things to go. This is one of those times men will never understand why women say one thing and do another. On the other hand, I think men enter the Friend Zone with true intentions but can often be easily swayed especially if physical attraction exists.

The Friend Zone can be a tricky place to be if one person wants to take the next step into relationship territory and the other is not interested in doing so. This decision to push things to the next level will be the deciding factor in whether the friendship will live or die. If both people don't feel the same way this is usually where it ends. It happens less often that the boundaries are tested and a friendship is salvaged because this requires pride to be put aside, but it can happen. Though the friendship is more likely to survive in this situation if the woman is the one with stronger feelings. It's simply how the female mind is wired (that's how we roll); especially if the friendship has gone beyond the superficial surface and an emotional connection exists. Women tend to be more forgiving and willing to weigh the pros and cons, where as a man is more likely to be looking for one thing and more willing to walk away if things don't go his way.

So, can men and women really be friends? I say, absolutely, though the depth of the friendship and the chances of it lasting are based on the circumstances in which the two meet and the season of life in which each person is currently in. It's much harder to establish a BFF friendship with someone of the opposite sex if you either are in a relationship. Though other types of friendships can exist as long as both understand boundaries. From my own personal experience my best guy friends were developed a long time ago.

So, will Big Andy and Georgia Peach's friendship survive the flirty initial stage of the Friend Zone? The jury is currently out, but I hope so. Who couldn't use another friend?