Building Walls and Breaking Them Down

Over the Thanksgiving weekend I gave in and let one of my girlfriends play with my match.com profile. What I didn't know at the time was she wasn't just looking at my profile, she took it upon herself to "wink" at any guy she saw fit. Shame on me for giving her access to my account, but sometimes we all need someone to push us off the ledge because without that push we may never make the leap into scary waters. Like dating for example. So for the last few weeks I have been sifting through emails and responding to the ones that are worthwhile, which are few and far between.

As the days have gone by, there is one guy online who I can't wait to open his email. What began as a one sentence email from him about my profile headline ("Nobody puts baby in the corner") has turned into long rambling letters asking and answering various questions and showing off our witty personalities. I have vowed to take things slow and have done a pretty good job of that. But I think there is a risk you take in meeting people online if you don't eventually take the step to move the relationship into reality. Last night I finally told him I was ready to make that step. We made plans for a date next week which will still give us time to talk on the phone and get to know each other better.

I am cautiously optimistic but each time I let myself be happy I can hear a little voice in my mind warning me to watch out. A reminder to not get too wrapped up in this one because there's a chance it might not work out. There's a fine line between protecting my heart and building walls to keep people out and I am trying to figure out where the line is and how I can gingerly walk it. I have always been able to walk through life with a child-like enthusiasm and I am not sure how many disappointments it takes before this innocence goes away. I would rather not find out.

I do find comfort in the fact that I think I have learned from my past mistakes. I think I have raised the bar with this particular guy. For one, we have more in common than anyone I have ever considered dating in the past. From professional interests, to taste in music and even religion we seem to be on the same page. I know it takes more than these things to have a relationship, but I have had less than this in the past and made it work, at least for a while. It seems like by the time a person is in their mid to late twenties it's impossible to have not been hurt or carry some type of baggage, but I think the important part is how you deal with that extra luggage and communicate with those close to you.

So, wish me luck. In less than a week I will be on what quiet possibly could be one of the best first dates ever. We're going to visit Old St. Nick -- we'll see if a second date is on my list for this Christmas.

"Be the Ball"

Lately one of my best friends and I have been walking the track at the gym (we call it the Track of Truth) and solving the world's problems. Ok, so maybe that's giving ourselves too much credit, but there is no doubt that gems of wisdom come out of these moments. The other day as we literally walked in circles she said to me, "be the ball." Though I am not sure exactly what this means I think she's right. At least my interpretation seems relevant.

I'm a type A personality. An activator. When things need to happen I jump into action. Sitting back, watching and waiting for something, anything, to happen, has never been my strength. So, when she said"be the ball" I think she meant that I need to work on letting things happen instead of "bouncing the ball" all of the time.

A few weeks ago, after a rough dating experience, I declared myself off the dating market for the remainder of the year. But then, I couldn't help myself. I had set up an unpaid profile with chemistry.com a few months back and had received a few hits. Unfortunately the only way to see who was interested was to pay-up. The curiosity was killing me, so I did it. No, this was not me "being the ball," but believe it or not it was a step in the right direction. Chemistry.com is a site similar to eharmony.com, but was created by the same company as Match.com. If Match can be compared to the Yellow Pages of dating sites, then Chemistry is more like a virtual match-maker. You can't search for prospects or look through other profiles. You only can review the profiles that the site chooses for you. This takes away a lot of control. Then, there are three steps that must be taken before any uncontrolled email communication can happen. Sounds frustrating, right? Absolutely. Especially for a control freak like me. But maybe it's what I need. It's time to lose control --or give it up, rather.

It makes me wonder if action has become more important to me then results in my dating life. Well, as uncomfortable as it can be I am rolling with it, or is it bouncing? Either way, I am working my way through this. It seems like some of the best things happen to us when we let go and let things happen. So, I'm ready, bring it on. So, that means things happen the way I have planned or if things naturally progress, I'm ready for it.

10 Reasons it Doesn't Suck to be Single During the Holidays

The 80 degree weather in Vegas may not be a clear sign that the holidays are right around the corner, but the fact is that the calendar doesn't lie. It's nearing mid-November and Santa has already arrived at some shopping locations along with Christmas trees and holiday decor. This is supposed to be the happiest time of year, but for many it means a packed schedule of holiday parties and corporate events, gift buying and family related stress to boot. And, if you're single (like me), you may be wishing you had a magical fast forward button to make it all fly by in a flash. But being the optimist I am, I believe there is a bright side to being single, especially this holiday season.

So here it is. . .

10 Reasons it Doesn't Suck to be Single During the Holidays

1. The gift of more time. This means more time to party, shop, volunteer or whatever it is that makes your heart sing. No one likes a Scrooge so find something that will put you in the spirit. Maybe it's something you've never done before. The fact is happiness is one of the most powerful people attractors, so who knows, you might find someone to spend your extra time with when you least expect it.

2. The gift of money. Because you won't be showering Mr. Wrong with Christmas gifts (or whatever your holiday of choice may be), that means more green in your pocket this year. Do something nice for yourself -- maybe a little "mani-pedi" in preparation for the holiday party madness, or a plane ticket to see family and friends during the holidays. Or maybe this is just an opportunity for you stay within your budget this year or even save a little money for a rainy day. Whatever you do, look at this as a chance to try something new.

3. One schedule is better than two. You are not obligated to think twice when making holiday plans because you are only responsible for the plans you make, not the ones a significant other might be making for you. Just think, you can attend that cheesy sweater party that you secretly look forward to every year without having to listen to the complaints of a boyfriend.

4. Bring on the Christmas cheer. If you enjoy Christmas music and movies you have the freedom of listening and watching to your hearts content. If "The Little Drummer Boy" is what keeps a smile on your face, turn up the volume and hit repeat. Or grab a box of tissues, some eggnog and snuggle under a warm blanket and watch "Love Actually." No one will complain so get in the spirit!

5. No need to pretend you like his mother's cooking. Let's face it, not every Mom is blessed with the cooking skills of Betty Crocker, Rachel Ray or Paula Dean. But this year you are free from the chains of politeness. And who knows, it might mean that your jeans still fit after your holiday feast. (I did mention I'm an optimist, right?)

6. Less present opening anxiety. You may never be able to stop cringing when you receive your annual fruit cake from Aunt Ida but you won't have to worry about what gift will (or won't) be waiting for you from your Man. Take this from a girl who received a can opener for Christmas one year and not much else. (There's a pretty good reason I am single !)

7. No family time tug-o'-war. If you've ever lived in the same city as your family and your significant others, you know the struggles and stress the holidays can bring when deciding how to spend your time. This doesn't alleviate the stress your own family might cause during the season of family festivities, but it should (hopefully) be a little less painful. Enjoy it, you won't be single forever.

8. Cut your shopping in half. Not only are you not required to buy presents for him, you don't have to buy gifts for his family either. This also means less time playing Sherlock Holmes trying to find out what to get for people you may not know well to start with.

9. Being single is a license to look. The holiday season is bound to fill your calendar with all different types of activities, many with people you may only see once a year. Some parties and holiday festivities are more single friendly than others, but keep your eyes open -- you might just meet Mr. Right. Even if you don't meet a man during all of your social outings, you never know who might have the perfect guy in mind just for you. Use your best judgment based on the source of the matchmaker, but if you don't at least put it out there, you will never know who you might meet.

10. Variety is the spice of life. Just because you're single doesn't mean you're not dating. Use holiday parties as a test for a guy that maybe you're not sure about. This can be tricky, especially depending on your choice of family and friends, but ultimately the risk is low. You might find out that you have a lot more in common with a guy you've been dating or ridicule from your inner circle might be just the nudge you need to move on. It's just one night, right? And, no matter how it turns out you may be creating stories to tell the grand children.

Whatever you do this holiday season, don't let your relationship status get in the way of enjoying time with your friends and family.

Instant Gratification Dating

It sounds crazy, right? But in a time of high-speed this, instant that and immediate who knows what, I guess it's not a surprise that relationships can go this way, too. Honestly, I'm not sure if this is a trend or simply because I am getting a little older, but it seems like dating leads either to a dead end or to a committed relationship faster than ever before.

For me personally, I think it's easy to fall into a relationship quickly if a guy shows me that he possesses the qualities I am looking for early on. I know what I am looking for but this alone can be dangerous to a relationship early on. People tend to show a shinier version of themselves at the beginning and are more willing to be on their best behavior which can be inconsistent with who they are once they become comfortable with a relationship. So, I guess the trick is to be confident in what I am looking for, but be more careful in assuming that another person is exactly how they present themselves. Anyone else a little dizzy after reading this paragraph?

I'm not the only one though. I have a close friend who is currently on the relationship fast track. She met her boyfriend in June online and spoke to him for a few months while he was serving in the military in Iraq. He arrived back in Vegas in early September and they are now planning their wedding (though he has not proposed yet).

So why is this happening? Does online dating speed up the courting process? In my friend's situation, is it because her man is in the military that the there is such an urgency to tie the proverbial knot? What's the trick to knowing if you are moving too fast?

Word Travels Fast in the Twin Cities

On Friday night I flew from Las Vegas to Minneapolis to attend a conference. I am used to being approached and taking part in conversations with strangers, but for some reason I have never had a truly memorable experience on a plane -- until now. As I took my window seat on the flight leaving sin city two guys took the two seats next to me. I don’t think I had even sat down when the guy in the middle seat, right next to me, said “don’t worry, I’m not one of those people who will talk your ear off.” That’s always a bad sign.

Loudmouth Leon (as I will refer to him here) was a tall (almost uncomfortably tall for this seating arrangement), dark haired man in his mid-thirties. What he lacked in looks he definitely made up in personality. For the first forty-five minutes of the three hour flight Leon kept the conversation flowing. I learned that he had just spent the last several days in Vegas with some of his friends (which were dispersed throughout the plane). He asked me about the book I was reading, what movies I liked, what I did for work and shared his recommendations of the places I should visit once on the ground in Minneapolis. About thirty minutes into the conversation he gave me his card and told me to call him if I had time and wanted to hang out with some good people during my trip. He also made it a point more than once to mention that he doesn’t just hand out his cards and in fact has never done so on a plane before but that I just seemed like a good person. I kindly thanked him and read my book for most of the remainder of the flight. Once on the ground we deplaned and I walked to baggage claim. Because we were on the same flight Leon was not far away as we waited for our bags. At this point he had been reunited with his friends but made it a point to say goodbye to me and again extend his offer to be my tour guide.

It was less than a minute after he left that the world got smaller. As I stepped closer to the baggage carousel to watch for my bag I also took a step closer to a very attractive women with great style who I would guess to be around my same age. I guess she had observed my interaction with Leon because she turned to me and said “I’ve met that guy before, but I couldn’t remember his name.” She was very nice in the way she approached me and continued to tell me she had met him at a local networking event a while back. She must have had a similar experience to my own because she disclosed that she went back to her office that day excited that she may have met a dating prospect (she was new in town at the time, so meeting someone fun and new was very exciting). Fortunately for her, she shared her experience with a co-worker who must have also had a similar experience. The co-worker quickly pulled up Leon on Facebook to reveal that he was not exactly who he portrayed himself to be. For starters, he had three kids. Now, I’m sure the women had nothing against kids, but was shocked by the information simply because it wasn’t how Leon had represented himself. In my own experience he seemed to work hard to set a reputation of a fun-loving, single man who enjoyed his family (though no mention of children specifically). In fact, he mentioned several times how he has no plans of settling down, EVER.

Obviously, Leon has created quite a reputation for himself in Minneapolis, so much so that I didn't even have to leave the airport to dig up some dirt. Not only was it a fascinating way to begin my time in a new city but most importantly,this situation renewed my faith that women can still watch out for one another and girl code still exists.

So, here's a question to ponder: does Leon's misrepresentation of himself make him a smooth operator or a slime ball player?

Taking Responsibility

Putting myself back on the dating market has been an eye opening experience and I haven't even gone on a date yet. My Match.com profile has finally connected me with an actual prospect. He's intelligent, funny, seems normal so far and as an extra bonus can even write in full readable sentences! I got over my "phone fright" and have spoken to him a few times over the last few days as well as exchanged emails and text messages.

Even with this short time of communication I have realized how much I sold myself short in my last relationship. I sacrificed the things I needed because I thought it would make us stronger, when in fact it is one of the main reason we didn't survive as a couple. Because I didn't make my needs a priority, neither did he. Maybe this was laziness on his part, but also a lack of communication on mine. At this point I am less interested in placing blame and much more interested in learning from my mistakes so I don't repeat them as I move forward.

So, what am I doing differently? Well, for one I am putting myself first. It's very easy for me in every area of my life to change my plans when someone needs or asks me to do something. I'm a people pleaser by nature, something that has served me well personally and professionally my entire life, but also a quality that makes it easy for others to take my needs for granted. I am trying to slow down and examine situations before I instantly agree to do what is being requested. By simply taking time to consider the outcome of my decisions, I can evaluate and consider not only what I am giving up but also what message I am sending if I agree to what is being asked of me. Just writing this makes me uncomfortable in some ways, because I fear being viewed as self-centered or unwilling to help those close to me. But the type of instance I am referring to is like changing my plans to go to the gym because a friend wants to go to dinner. The other side of this is setting realistic expectations for others and letting them know what is important to me. Another change is not sharing everything in my life all at once. I have always been an open book and probably always will be, but I am using discretion to make sure I am not giving too much info too soon.

And, what am I getting in return? Despite feelings of being jaded by lost love, I have hope. Hope that I can learn, grow and change based on past experiences. Hope that someone out there can love me they way I need to be loved. And, hope that I may actually find the right person.

I will be the first to tell you that the process of dating is a painful process but enduring the discomfort of putting myself back out there is better than the alternative of settling for someone that's not right for me. So, I guess the point of this entry is that I am stating my commitment to continue to evaluate myself and find ways to grow and be a better person -- not just for someone else, but ultimately for me. So, here's to growing pains!

That Couple

Come on. . .you know who I'm talking about, right? It's the couple that make googly eyes at each other and call each other "honey bunny" or "schnookum." They're the couple that are so sweet they make your teeth hurt just looking at 'em. As someone not much into PDA, I always thought, yuck -- I never wanted to be that couple. Maybe my mind is starting to change because I'm single and now have a little more experience under my belt (or maybe that's the loneliness kicking in), but now I wonder would it really be so bad to be that couple. Do we really find that couple so disgusting or is it the ugly green monster of jealousy rearing it's creepy little head? If you have ever been in love you know what it feels like to be feel twitter patted and goose-bumpy, even if you don't wear your ooey-gooeyness on the outside for everyone to see. So, for those feelings to be so intense you just can't help but let them boil over, is it really the worst case scenario to be in the presence of that couple (in the most innocent of cases, of course, there is a line after all) -- especially if you ARE that couple and you don't have to watch it from afar.


I think there is another couple that would be much worse to be than the nauseating duo depicted above. You've probably witnessed this couple from time to time eating out together but not even muttering a word in the others direction. It's not just the silence between the two, it's the deadness in their eyes, as if the river of love has run dry. They both stare off into the distance, more interested in the other people in the restaurant then the one sitting only an arm's reach away. This to me is more heartbreaking than the latter.

Which would you pick?

Phone Fright

That's right, phone fright. It's like stage fright except it occurs before I speak to someone on the phone for the first time, especially if there is any potential for romance involved. I don't know what it is, but just the thought of talking to someone I met online for the first time turns my stomach. I worry about freezing up, not knowing what to say and creating awkward lapses in conversation but mostly I worry about what first impression my voice creates. This may sound silly, but I still have telemarketers call my house and ask to speak to my parents. I guess if I had to choose a first impression for a possible date prospect it wouldn't be my sometimes valley, squeaky, high-pitched voice.

How exactly do I get over phone fright? Picturing someone I have never met before in their underwear is just not going to cut it! I have been talking to this guy via email for the last few days and tomorrow night at some point I will have to suck it up and answer the phone when it rings and hope that the he doesn't think he has been sharing emails with a 10 year-old girl! He seems down to Earth and I guess this will be the true test of how cool he really is.

So, I will take a few very deep breaths and if all else fails. . . I will laugh -- it always seems to work in my favor! I guess in the grand scheme of things, if the one glitch in my self-confidence is my voice (at least as a first impression), than I'm not doing so bad.

What are you self-conscious about the first time you meet someone?

Finding Peace with My Piece of the Pie

Often there are times when I offer up encouragement to a friend and the one who actually gets something out of it is me. A few weeks ago I ran into a girl I haven't seen since my freshman year of college, 10 years ago. As we were catching up on life and wandering down memory lane she told me proudly about her husband and six-year-old son but was obviously disappointed in herself for never finishing college. I told her that it's impossible to do everything in this life, so you should be proud of what you HAVE accomplished. In the moment I didn't think much of these words, though I truly meant them but they obviously had an impact on her because she chased me out to the parking lot to thank me for the positive affirmation. As I drove away it dawned on me that this advice was as applicable for me as it was for my friend. If I was being completely honest with her in the moment, I would have shared my desire for a strong relationship and even a family (someday), these are things I have sacrificed to focus on college and now my career. Sometimes I wonder if I spent too much time in a dead end relationship and wasted time that could have been used finding Mr. Right For Me. I realize these thoughts are pointless, but I'm human, too.

For year's my Dad has tried to impress upon me the importance of taking a moment to stop and smell the roses. Admittedly, I tend to jump from one thing to another not spending enough time to see the good things I have created or have been a part of in this life. If I blend the wisdom of my father with my own words, I think there is an even more powerful message there. Take time to appreciate the things you have accomplished, but don't dwell on the things you haven't done. . .yet. This is something I have been working on a lot lately. Taking a moment to take a deep breath and ponder life without letting the negative "what ifs" takeover.

What are some things on your bucket list that have been sacrificed up to this point in order to accomplish other things on your list? Would you change it if you could? How has your list changed because of the things you have accomplished?

Filling in the Gaps

For anyone that knows me, you know I have no problem keeping myself busy. And unfortunately this month has been pretty packed with activity keeping me from blogging. For those of you who take the time to read my rants on dating, thank you. I have a lot to write about and will be sharing my thoughts and ramblings on a more regular basis.

Since I am writing I might as well give you an update on my (lack of) dating. I have been on Match.com for a few weeks with little response. I am following the rules of Matchmaker Patti Stanger and am not making the first move. This is hard for me because I am naturally an action taker, but it's a learning experience none the less. I have had a few bites but no one that would make sense in responding to. I really am in no hurry, I believe if it's meant to happen it will, I am just interested in creating opportunity. The funny thing is though, as busy I have been in the last few weeks I wouldn't have really had time to date anyway! I guess everything does happen for a reason and in its own time.

So what do you think: is it really wrong for the woman to make the first move? Even if only an email to say hello?

Too Much Information?

Curiosity killed the cat and as it's going right now, Match.com will probably be the death of me. Let me start from the beginning. Over the holiday weekend I took advantage of eHarmony's "Free Communication Weekend" and was not impressed with the service. First, it takes hours (seriously) to complete the profile and when it was all said and done, I didn't feel like the profile was a true representation of me. And on top of that, all the steps required before you can have real email interaction with another person is utterly exhausting. You must request your potential mate to answer questions provided by eHarmony then they ask you to do the same. I never made it past this step. It was just too much work for very little information.

So, after much frustration and a lot of encouragement from my friends I renewed my long dormant account on Match.com. I was originally going to wait until Oct. 10 and allow my friends to write my profile for me, but plans changed and it seemed silly to wait that long. Lucky for me the service still had my old profile on file so I didn't have to go through the entire process this time; I basically just needed to review and revamp what I am looking for in a mate. As I wrote a new blurb about myself I noticed how much more direct and aware I have become about my wants and desires compared to the last time I went through this process several years back. This of course is a good sign, a sign of growth and progress, however that brings me to the question I have been pondering for the last several days.

Is it possible to be too specific about who I am and what I am looking for in a potential date? Is there a such thing as too much information? And, I am not talking about revealing too many specific details about why I am the way I am, that can wait for at least the first date (just kidding). Seriously, what I mean is revealing specific information like religious views and the desire for marriage and family. Does this kind of thing scare men away? Let's just say, the responses I have received are not exactly overflowing my inbox, though men are at least looking over my profile. Part of me wants my profile to spark a mass amount of attention but the other part of me, the part of me that wrote it in the first place, thinks sharing this information will qualify a man making the chances of meeting the right person greater, though it may take longer (and, I guess, less profiles for me to weed through in the end).

What do you think --how specific should a person be when talking about themselves and what they are looking for in a mate on an online profile? Is there a more appropriate way to disclose such details?

That dreaded question

It seems like no matter what my relationship status, there is always at least one question I absolutely dread. When I was in a relationship it was: "When are you getting married?" Now as a single lady the question that makes me cringe is "So, are you dating anyone?"

I think my anxiety to the dating question is heavily linked to the answer (which is "no") but what can I expect, especially after I have created a blog to write about my dating adventures (which haven't actually happened yet)? Today is a turning point. Today marks the end of the lease of the town home I shared with my ex and the beginning of a new chapter. Even though I have been single for over five months the finality of it seems much more real now and I am so relieved and ready to move on. I'm not in any rush to start dating -- or at least seek people to date --but I am open to the opportunity. But, because I am a big believer in time lines, I have promised two of my closest friends that I will allow them to help me get back into the big kid pool. What does this entail? Well, I have agreed to allow them to help me write a new online profile to be posted on Oct. 10. The date is mostly arbitrary other than I am planning to run a 5K on that day. If I didn't think it would be fun to write about I probably wouldn't have agreed, but what could it hurt, right?

So, I guess until then I will have to to dodge the uncomfortable questions and puppy dog looks (as if being single is a punishment) and continue to write about my random observations of relationships and other people's dating lives.

What about you, what question do you absolutely cringe at when people ask it?

Operation Fun: the role of a wedding guest

After attending a friends wedding last weekend it dawned on me that the guests play a very important role in the success of a wedding. Just like audiences play a role in the success of a play or concert, the guests participation in wedding festivities will determine the overall success of a wedding reception. First, and most important, is showing up. I wonder if people just don't understand what RSVP means anymore, by replying you are confirming you will be there and by not showing up after RSVPing you are leaving a seat open and money on the table. If you can't make it simply let the bride know in advance, she will appreciate it, trust me.

Once the wedding ceremony is over and the reception begins the job of guests is to celebrate the special day with the bride and groom. Maybe the concept of "celebration" means different things to different people, but to me it means to have fun and never forget who's day it is. Most of the time the bride and groom are so busy talking to their guests and taking part in the festivities that they don't even remember what happened when it's all over. But, if all the goes well, the party will be well captured on both photos and video for them to look back on later. Of course there are different levels of fun depending on how well you know the couple and what there expectations are for the day. These things can be figured out easily by just being observant. For example, if there is a dance floor, they want you to dance; if there is an open bar, they want you to drink (but not too much); and if there is a DJ you will be expected to join in at least one cheesy wedding tradition.

I think it's common for people to not realize they play an important role in a bride's special day. It's a time to put your concerns about your lack of rhythm away and bust a move in celebration of your friends. Trust me, they will appreciate this for years to come as stories are told and pictures are shared with those that couldn't make it. The point is that guests should go out of their way to enjoy themselves because if the guests are having a good time then chances are the bride and groom will be happy with the results.

Girlfriends: A Vital Ingredient to a Happy Life

What I lack in sisters, I have surely made up in girlfriends. They are the spice of my life. This weekend one of my friends flew in from North Carolina to attend another friends wedding. I was chosen to be her companion for the weekend and couldn't be happier about the task. I picked her up from the airport Friday morning and we spent the majority of the time giggling at each other and having an overall grand time! Whether we were laying by the pool soaking in the 110 degree heat of Las Vegas or stuck in 5 p.m. Friday traffic, it is a guarantee one of us was talking a million words a minute and the other was laughing. I don't know what I would do without her friendship. The test of a true friend is if you can pick up where you left off no matter how much time has passed since you last spoke or saw one another. This particular friendship definitely passed the test of time.

This much needed girl time reminded me just how important friendship is in general, but especially girlfriends. So often you hear women say they just don't get along with other women, but I believe these friendships are vital to a full happy life. There are some things you just can't share with a boyfriend/husband/guy friend, and I am sure they would agree some of the things we share amongst each other they would rather not know! I enjoy the deep talks as much as the goofy uncontrollable laughter and wouldn't be sane or happy without the amazing women in my life.

I was sad to say goodbye to my friend last night but it was a truly amazing (much needed) weekend -- especially because we had the chance to celebrate the marriage of another friend. Hopefully we don't wait another five years to reunite, but I know even if we do I will still have an amazing friend on my side.

I feel nothing

I have spent the past two days packing up the last four years of my life (and much more because I am a pack rat) yet I feel nothing. Anyone who spends time with me on a fairly regular basis knows I am an emotional person (I seem to feel everything), the silliest things bring a tear to my eye, yet this weekend, a weekend that marks the end of a relationship, not a tear was spilled. In fact, I didn't even feel the slightest bit of sadness. I looked through photos, love notes, gifts and even the collection of magnets my ex and I had gathered together over the last four years and still, nothing. I didn't even put much thought into giving away items that had sentimental value. Somehow I was able to separate myself from everything going on around me. I realize this is probably a very good sign, it's just funny that it took me getting home and reflecting on my weekend to realize this.


Am I cured? Am I ready to move on? Am I repressing my true feelings? As the queen of empathy this last option is highly unlikely, though in my opinion I think it's more likely to be a mixture of the first two. I guess the most reasonable answer is that this was the right decision and it's time to move on. It's funny sometimes when you stop for just long enough and realize that you have grown-up. The heart and mind are resilient things that keep on growing and changing though we may not even notice it. I guess my lack of tears and emotion are pretty standard for this break up: it ended without much fan fair or drama and it seems the final days of moving out and moving on will be pretty much the same. What a relief. This gives new meaning to the concept that you can do anything if you put your mind (and heart) to it. Even get over the end of a relationship. Go figure.

Moving Out and Moving On

One of the most cleansing activities -- in both mind, spirit and home -- is preparing to move. I don't know anyone in their right mind who enjoys moving (or the packing required to do so), but if the right steps are taken in preparation, the end result is a much more streamlined life. At the end of August I will be moving out of the condo I have lived in for the past two years and will finally close the book on a significant relationship in my life and start a new chapter. Before now, I've never looked forward to, and dreaded something so much all at the same time. I feel like I have moved on in so many ways and the final step will be handing over the keys and driving away. I am looking forward to the closure that moving will allow me to experience.

Going through boxes of old photos, journals, notes and cards has been a bitter sweet reminder of how much things change and yet stay the same. I am reminded of the people who have come in and out of my life, some staying for only a season and others reappearing and disappearing and then those who have stuck by me through thick and thin. Reading my old journals is more like reading something someone else wrote then as if I actually penned them myself. It's interesting to see what and who used to keep me up at night and how much the things that get me down have changed. The trip down memory lane has been fun but I am in a place where I am more interested in the present then dwelling the past. As a self-proclaimed pack rat this is a sign of growth in and of its self.

The process of packing and simplifying my material belongings is a good metaphor for what's happening inside my head and heart, too. Sometimes the process is painful but when all of the separating, packing and cleaning is complete I will be a much better person. I plan on keeping the good and letting go of the bad. At times I find myself wanting to place a road block over my heart and proclaim this Lane closed for construction for an eternity, but this too shall pass. I guess all of this is part of the healing process. The heart is a very forgiving and self-healing muscle if we don't let our minds get in the way.

So, wish me luck, it's time to move on.

Dating Myself

Originally I was going to title this entry, "The Big Date," but finally decided that would be misleading, especially knowing that I am supposed to be writing about my dating (mis)adventures. Unfortunately the well has been a little dry lately --mostly because I haven't made an effort to encourage dating in my life. That being said, it doesn't mean that I am sitting at home on a Friday night wallowing in my singleness. In fact, it's just the opposite. Tonight in fact I took myself out on a date. First, I went to Subway for dinner, then U Swirl for some yogurt and then a movie. You probably think I am crazy but there are several reasons why dating yourself is much easier than dating someone else:

1. You don't have to worry who's going to pay
2. No matter what you wear your date will think you look fabulous
3. Very little awkward conversation (except for the stranger who catches you talking to yourself)
4. No wondering if a kiss is going to happen at the end of the evening
5. No waiting by the phone for your date to call the next day

Some people are not comfortable doing things all alone, like seeing a movie for example, but for me it's therapeutic. I spend so much time with people at work, at home and lately a lot of traveling, it's nice to do something I want to do in a peaceful way. It heals my soul. We live in a world where very little time is spent alone and I think it can be unhealthy. Even when I am in a relationship, I try to do some things on my own. It's also a great excuse to go see movies and do things I would never want to torture a man by forcing them to go with me!

What do you do by yourself that heals your soul?

Living Intentionally

Last night I set my alarm with the intention of waking up to go to the gym at 5 a.m. Unfortunately, sleeping in my nice comfy bed seemed too enticing and I clicked snooze until about 6:45. And when I finally woke up, I felt like I had let myself down (not too mention all my Facebook friends because I mentioned it as my status the night before and received many encouraging responses). In reaction I planned to make up for my slacking ways after work with a nice hard workout. I went to the gym and was intentional with my workout. In fact, I may have worked harder tonight than I have this year. I didn't just go to the gym because it was a part of my routine, I went there with a percise result in mind and dug my heels in until I reached my goal.

It was while running around the indoor track at Las Vegas Athletic Club that it occured to me, what if I did every action in my life intentionally? I think there is a difference between the "best intentions" and living "intentionally." What would this look like? It would mean that every activity in my life would bring me a little bit closer to a specific goal. For example, if I am going to the gym but am only going purely out of routine, should I even be there at all? There is something to be said for setting a schedule to create good habits, but if the effort is not beneficial in reaching the expected result than it becomes a waste of time and energy and only leads to frustration.

The same theory can be applied to relationships. If you aren't intentionally working to create opportuinty for relationships to begin or aren't intentionally taking part of an existing one, what's the point? It's like planting flowers but not giving them water and sunlight. This theory can easily apply to friendships, work relationships and love relationships.

So, how does this change what I will do tomorrow? Well, when my alarm chimes bright and early and I feel like going back to bed I am going to take a second in my sleepiness to think what would be the most effective use of my time. And, if I go back to bed and skip the gym then it was probably the right decision. Regarding relationships -- of the love, platonic and business kinds -- I am going to make a more intentional effort to make the people in my life feel important. Life is busy, but should never be too busy for this. I think it is being intentional in this way that will bring true love into my life. Who knows, maybe it's already here and it just needs a little water and some sunshine.

The Friend Zone: Part Two

A month or so ago while visiting Colorado, I wrote a post called "The Friend Zone" which questioned if a man and a woman can truly have a platonic friendship and described a scenario between my friend Big Andy and his "friend" Georgia. Well, it seems the story finally has an ending.

Last week Georgia finally gave up the game and confessed her true intentions. As I assumed the friend zone was really the test zone. She may have truly thought friendship was what she was looking for but her heart disagreed. So, this is the part of the story where either the friendship becomes a relationship or Georgia sucks it up and makes the best of the situation or the friendship ends all together. Unfortunately, I think the odds are against this one. Georgia and Andy have not known each other long enough for a long lasting friendship to truly take root and she is young enough to not really care.

If the two decide a relationship is what they want I am not sure it would last long. Georgia is excited by the thrill of the chase and less concerned about whether he's the right one. It's not often that she must hunt her prey and once the chase is over so will be the thrill of it all. I give her credit for saving some face the next day with a text message claiming SHE'S not ready; but the problem is, that he wasn't asking her to be. It's common that circumstance and compatability get jumbled and confused and this is a perfect example of that.

So, the question arises again: can a man and a woman be just friends? Is this situation common enough to make a ruling for the entire human race?

Thirteen hours of love

If you had to choose between being in love for the next 13 hours and then dying, or living until the age of 98 without ever experiencing love which would you choose?

This question was posed during a conversation in my office the other day. Interestingly enough my co-worker chose option B and was just as passionate about his answer as I am about mine.

For me the answer is easy. Without even a thought I would pick 13 hours of love. Maybe it's because I have experienced the overwhelming, all-consuming feelings of love; to me it is the best feeling in the world and choosing that for a limited time over never experiencing it at all is a no brainer. Even despite the heartbreak and letdown of broken dreams and unmet expectations that I have experienced I truly believe that love, even if for only for 13 hours as in this case, is completely worth it.

I don't think there is an experience or material item in this world that could live up to or replace the feeling you get when your heart is full and you know you would go to the ends of the earth to make another person happy and they would do the same for you.

How would you answer this question and why?

What a gentleman

As part of my Self Magazine subscription each month I have been chosen as a "Self Insider." This sounds much more important than it really is. Basically I receive marketing surveys from time-to-time that help their advertisers and various partners find out how effective their ads are in reaching Self readers. As a marketing guru, I always take the surveys out of professional curiosity. But last week the survey caught my eye for other reasons. The questionnaire was on behalf of GQ Magazine who wanted to know how women define a gentleman and how that role has changed over the last 50 years.

To me the word gentleman brings up images of the good looking male characters from the AMC show "Mad Men" dressed in suits, drinking brandy and smoking cigarettes. But as with any stereotype I don't think this even begins to hit on what a gentleman truly is -- though this may have been accurate 50 years ago. I think a gentleman has always been defined first by his social status, career and whether he holds open doors for his lady but I think there is less weight in these things today.

Take Hugh Jackman for example. To me he is a celebrity who personifies the qualities of a gentleman. Everything I have ever heard about him beyond his talent as an actor and a performer has been positive and he always seems to be charming and delightful. Not to mention the kind and loving way he talks about his wife and children. But is that all it takes to be a gentleman? Charm, good looks and a happy marriage? No way. Jackman is also well known as a community activist and a all-round-do-gooder -- to me this is the most important ingredient of what makes a man a gentleman. If a man is willing to take a stand to make the world a better place then he is hopefully doing the same in his personal life.

Interestingly enough the last several questions of the survey for GQ were related to how important community involvement is when defining a man as a gentlemen. How I answered these questions is pretty obvious, but I will be curious if this information is used for a future story how the majority responded. Will being community minded be as important to others as it is to me? What qualities do you think defines a gentleman?

Mac or PC ?

What if you used the same criteria in choosing a mate as you did in picking a computer? What would happen? What would he (or she) be like? This thought occurred to me last week while working at a video shoot for a client. As I glanced around the room dominated mostly by Macs, though a few PCs were present as well, I wondered if those computers were men which type would be more attractive to me. It can easily be argued that this line of thinking is completely absurd, shallow even, but that's not the point.

As I pondered this idea and stared into my own Mac's screen I thought about the reasons I like my computer and why I chose it over a PC. To me my Mac embodies creativity, simplicity and individuality. It's sleek, hip, easy to use and even virus free. My Mac's not cheap yet it's worth the investment, it has a sense of humor and it's not bad looking to boot. These are all qualities I value, so why not look for them in a man, too?

I think the point is really understanding what you want, whether you're looking for a computer or a date. I found this really awesome computer at Best Buy for a great price but it didn't have the right software capabilities so I decided to pass up the deal and keep looking. I think a similar thought process is relevant in relationships. Once you have identified a deal breaker it's time to move on. That IS the point of dating, otherwise we would all marry the first person we ever hit it off with or were attracted to --can you imagine?

Who knows maybe my next boyfriend will be more of a PC then a Mac, I'm open minded, as long as the above qualities are part of his hard drive. So, how about you -- Mac or PC?

New Kids on the Block -- July 11, 2009

I'm just putting this out there, but if you're single and looking for that special someone, a New Kids on the Block concert is NOT the place to do it -- unless of course you are a guy(especially if your name happens to be Jordan, Donnie, Joe, Jon or Danny). Last night thousands of women(all over 21 years of age)packed into The Pearl at the The Palms Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas to relive the heart thumping memories from nearly 20 years ago when New Kids on the Block originally took the stage. But the night for me was not a scouting venture but rather simply a chance to see if the five guys I remember from my childhood still had it in them to bring me to my feet and scream irrationally. The easy answer to this is, yes, though the stories surrounding this evening are much more entertaining than that simple answer implies.

The chance to relive my childhood and go to last night's concert was not originally a planned adventure. It wasn't until around 12:15 yesterday afternoon that I received a text from a friend asking me if I wanted to go to see NKOTB. In general I would expect this type of invitation from one of my girlfriends, but in this case it came from a guy. Odd right? Maybe, except it just so happened his mom hooked him up with the tickets and he happens to be the type of guy who's up for anything, lucky me.

When we walked into the arena the energy and the scene was pretty incredible: thousands of grown women, some wearing NKOTB shirts, others toting signs declaring their love for their favorite band boy. As we got settled into our seats on the first row of the balcony, I don't think there is a bad seat in The Pearl, we began chatting with the women around us. It was clear that no one realized my friend and I were only friends, but that was part of the fun. In fact I think he may have become one woman's dream man simply because he was at the concert and she had already assumed that I dragged him along. This woman has seen more than 30 New Kids shows and has had the opportunity to meet the band on various occasions. I can only imagine the thousands of dollars, if not tens of thousands, she has invested in following the band around the country. Good for her, that's passion, but I can't think of one band or celebrity that I am motivated to do the same for.

After the extremely talented dance crew Jabbawockeez did there thing on the dance floor and the New Kids show was underway it was clear that despite the decades that have passed the boys have not lost the sex appeal that made them famous and every woman was mesmerized by it. Watching all the other women around me swept away by the performance made me think how despite the fact that most of these women have never met or had meaningful interaction with the members of NKOTB, some seem to still have preconceived fantasies of who they are. Based on the signs being flailed around the arena,the lustful looks in so many eyes and just how many of them knew all the words to the songs, I wouldn't be shocked if many of these women still think they would be perfect for any of these guys if they just had the opportunity. (One sign in particular that caught my eye said: "Even Lesbians Love Donnie.")But who these guys are on stage is most likely far from who they are in real life. I think proof of that could been seen during the show by Jon's performance. If you have followed NKOTB for any length of time, then you know that Jon is the older brother of Jordan and has often been portrayed as the shy one. This may be true, but it looked more like he would rather be anywhere but on stage last night. His dance moves were lazy and he even sat on stage and covered his face as his name was voluntarily chanted by the audience. He clearly isn't thrilled with the boy band sexpot stereotype and isn't comfortable with who his fans think he is.

Not to read to deeply into this (it was a New Kids concert after all) but I think often we do this same thing in real relationships. We go into it with preconceived notions of who the other person is (or who we want them to be) and in the worst case scenario avoid obvious signs that things are not how we expect them to be and find ourselves frustrated and let down when that person changes, or we finally acknowledge that things are not how we thought they were. Instead of the relationship thriving one person reacts like Jon and just wants to get the heck off that stage.

If the night didn't prove that I can find a relationship lesson in any circumstance, then it definitely proved I am not one to take myself too seriously. I had an awesome time reconnecting with my inner 10 year old. And on top of that the New Kids did not disappoint -- they even appeared scattered throughout the audience to sing one song. At times I found myself laughing in complete amazement that I was even at the concert. But for me this life is about experiences and if that means attending a New Kids on the Block concert with a good friend, then so be it!

Writer's block?

Five or six years ago I helped my step brother write his online dating profile which eventually led to the meeting of his wife. Though we laugh and joke that I may have been a little generous with my words, the profile did it's job. If I only knew then that people would pay a pretty penny for a similar service maybe my career path would have been different (probably not).

The Guy's Perspective.com is one of many Websites that create online dating profiles and offers dating consulting for a fee. I am not sure how I feel about having someone else writing an online profile for me (forget the fact that I have helped others write their own profile), or better yet knowing that an online prospect may not have created their own profile. Writing style and voice can tell a lot about a person and if someone else is writing on their behalf this could be misleading. This also brings up some ethical questions for both the companies and individuals. As I read through the example offered on the site I was impressed yet cynical. I also did a Google search for online profile writing services that revealed this is not really that unique of a business model. Below are a review of a few of the profile writing sites as well as a review of The Guy's Perspective.com.

The Guy's Perspective.com

I liked the look of this Website as well as the tone in which it is written. The site seems to be targeting women in their early to mid-twenties who are looking for a guy's perspective (good choice on the name!). Though this was the most expensive service of the one's I reviewed, with a price tag of $165, it seemed to offer the most comprehensive of services from complete profile creation to photo advice and dating consulting. The Guy's Perspective approach is a collaborative process which I believe is important and also gives them a competitive edge. The collaborative method shows in the writing style which impressed me. Also, the blog on the site is updated on a regular basis and dating questions are answered and posted for anyone to read.

TrySweetTalk.com

This website was created by Kate Houston, an award winning writer in advertising with over 20 years of experience. I wasn't blown away by the design or sample profiles on the site. I felt like the voices of the individuals in the samples was completely lost once converted to the final product. Based on the testimonials alone, Houston's customers are men and women from in the age range of late 30s to early 50s. The cost for this service is in the middle at $80 for creation of a profile. Profiles are created by completing a questionnaire that is available on the site.

ProfileHelper.com

Of the three sites I reviewed, this one has the most corporate feel by far. In addition to the website, the service also offers a toll free number and an online chat feature. The sample profiles seemed to be more of an edit of the original version than a complete profile overhaul. The demographic this site serves seems to be men and women from their late 20s to mid-to-late 40s.ProfileHelper.com offers three services at varying price ranges: profile creation (starting at $69.95), profile makeover (starting at $39.95) and photo services (starting at $15.95).

I am still a little hesitant when it comes to profile writing services, however I think they can be useful for the right person who just needs a little direction. What are your thoughts? Do you think services such as these make it even harder to trust the person on the other side of the computer?

Lessons in Love

So, obviously I am a single lady so you are probably wondering, "what lessons in love could you possibly have to share?" Well, I guess those who can't do, watch. Lucky for me I have an abundance of people to learn from -- let me set the stage for this lesson.

Yesterday I returned from spending six days in Colorado with my friends and family. During my visit I stayed with my brother and his wife in their new home in Denver. This trip marks the most time my brother and I have spent together in the town in which we grew up probably since I was 12-years-old. With five years separating us, my brother and I spent most of our youth teasing one another and turning every place we went together into our own personal wrestling ring. Now, though the number of candles on our birthday cakes indicate many years have passed, little about our relationship has changed except I can say our friendship and appreciation for one another has grown. Being with my brother gives the ten-year-old inside of me a chance to come out and play. Together we enjoy jokes only a second grader would tell, insults that aren't really insulting and, above all else, The Hole Game. (If you are unaware of what this game is and how it works, I urge you to click the link. You can thank me later.) The best part about the adolescent fun and games is that it's no longer just the two of us, my sister-in-law doesn't just tolerate it, she usually joins in. I guess this is one of the many reasons why their relationship works. The couple that plays together stays together. In fact, at the end of this month my brother and sister-in-law will celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary.

If I had to take a lesson in love from observing my brother and his wife it would be this: love is a choice. My brother and sister-in-law make an effort to enjoy even the insignificant trips to the grocery store together and actively engage in what the other enjoys. I am always pleasantly surprised when my brother finds something new to obsess over -- whether it's wine or saltwater aquarims -- how my sister-in-law finds a way to not only watch but actively particpate in his hobbies. Even a close friend mentioned while I was visiting how he wishes he had what they have found. Don't be fooled, their love didn't just fall into their laps and it's not a marriage you only hear about in fairy tales, I think they would be the first to tell you that. What they have is real because they both make an effort to make it work. I have heard too many times people say love shouldn't be work -- but what I have learned from observing strong couples is that it is work, but the reward is more than worth it.

The Friend Zone

Last night I spent the Fourth of July in Colorado with two of my best friends in the world, Big Andy and Rambling Ray. These guys have been in my life through thick and thin for more than a decade and our friendships have survived despite distance and even some rocky times. With not much of a plan the three of us headed out to Northglenn to spend the later part of the evening with Big Andy's friend -- we'll call her Georgia Peach for the sake of the story -- and her friends and family. The nickname is fitting for Georgia because she seemed to be a genuine person, gracious host and couldn't have been more welcoming to me: someone she has never met. From experience as the best friends to guys (especially good looking, fun and interesting friends like mine), other girls don't always lay down the welcome mat and pull you in with open arms. Luckily, I pose little threat and am generally like able myself.

As we drove across town Big Andy mentioned in passing that he and Georgia were friends only of the platonic kind -- making it clear that the line has been drawn and they live in what I call, the "Friend Zone." Shortly after arriving it was unclear whether Georgia had taken up permanent residency in Big Andy's Friend Zone or if she was simply renting to own. Georgia is not only beautiful but is a very affectionate open person -- even to people she knows very little about (I can attest to this personally) so figuring out what her intentions were took some time. However, by the end of the night I believe all the signs showed clearly that Miss Georgia's time in the Friend Zone will be short term -- if she has any say in it.

This situation made me think more about the Friend Zone and made me wonder if this term has the same definition to men and women and begs the age old question, can men and women be just friends? To answer the first part of this equation, I would say men and women often interpret the term differently, especially in the beginning of a friendship. In the beginning both parties are establishing boundaries and trying to find out if the other is worthy of a higher relationship status. I think often women use the Friend Zone to get insider information and buy some time to make a more educated decision on where they want things to go. This is one of those times men will never understand why women say one thing and do another. On the other hand, I think men enter the Friend Zone with true intentions but can often be easily swayed especially if physical attraction exists.

The Friend Zone can be a tricky place to be if one person wants to take the next step into relationship territory and the other is not interested in doing so. This decision to push things to the next level will be the deciding factor in whether the friendship will live or die. If both people don't feel the same way this is usually where it ends. It happens less often that the boundaries are tested and a friendship is salvaged because this requires pride to be put aside, but it can happen. Though the friendship is more likely to survive in this situation if the woman is the one with stronger feelings. It's simply how the female mind is wired (that's how we roll); especially if the friendship has gone beyond the superficial surface and an emotional connection exists. Women tend to be more forgiving and willing to weigh the pros and cons, where as a man is more likely to be looking for one thing and more willing to walk away if things don't go his way.

So, can men and women really be friends? I say, absolutely, though the depth of the friendship and the chances of it lasting are based on the circumstances in which the two meet and the season of life in which each person is currently in. It's much harder to establish a BFF friendship with someone of the opposite sex if you either are in a relationship. Though other types of friendships can exist as long as both understand boundaries. From my own personal experience my best guy friends were developed a long time ago.

So, will Big Andy and Georgia Peach's friendship survive the flirty initial stage of the Friend Zone? The jury is currently out, but I hope so. Who couldn't use another friend?

The grass is always greener

In my case this is completely true. I am visiting my family and friends in Colorado for the fourth of July weekend and there is no doubt Denver is much greener than the desert landscape of Las Vegas. But figuratively this seems to be a fitting cliche, as well. There is no doubt in my mind that I love Las Vegas and it's surrounding cities but there is something about Colorado that is both sentimental and refreshing. I left Colorado ten years ago to attend UNLV and in a lot of ways have never looked back. After graduating I was hired at the firm in which I had interned and between my developing career, a blossoming relationship with my boyfriend and the little pet family we had acquired I had begun to build my life in the heat of Vegas. But now after the end of a significant relationship in my life it feels like I am seeing the world through different eyes. Not just restricted to the world I have created in Vegas. It seems like opportunities are everywhere and I have found a renewed sense of excitement for the world around me. (Imagine that, me -- little Miss Positivity, surprised?)

Case in point: yesterday my brother, sister-in-law and I were preparing to leave their house in Denver to meet up with the rest of the family to go to Heritage Square. (If you love carnival rides, festival food and cheesy photo opps, this place is for you.) As we were getting ready to walk out the door, Charley, the fox terrier, seized the opportunity of the cracked open front door and took himself for a morning jog. My brother took off in pursuit of the dog and I followed behind running between houses and into alleyways in the urban neighborhood. After about three or four blocks I lost sight of both of them as they turned a corner and decided it would be better for me to walk back and wait for them at the house then get lost myself. It was at this time that I had a chance to take in the scenery around me. As I walked through the alleyway of dumpsters and graffiti I noticed the beautiful trees and foliage that made a regular alley seem like an inviting place to be. In the middle of my thoughts I was greeted by a guy sitting along one of the dumpsters. I responded to the greeting kindly but couldn't help but be shocked by the situation. I'm sure this alleyway transforms when the sun goes down, but in that moment it was paradise. This was only one of many situations I experienced yesterday that made me take a step back and reevaluate this place I had left a decade ago and not given much thought to since.

This situation only magnifies the happiness I feel of being near my friends and family. Despite my geographic distance my circle of friends and family have never given up on me and we have stayed close despite the miles between us.

Maybe I am only seeing the world through the rose colored glasses that vacation naturally creates, or maybe the contrast between Vegas and Denver is significant enough that normal everyday occurrences seem like little miracles simply because their different from the norm. I am not sure how or if this experience alone will significantly effect my decision of geographical location in the future, but it's yet another reminder of how everyday experiences help us form opinions that may lead to big life decisions down the line.

To any of my Vegas friends reading this, don't worry I will return home and back to the my life next week. And to my Colorado family -- the possibilities are endless. But in this moment the grass is green and I am soaking in every moment of it.

What are your stories of everyday experiences that have changed your outlook on your current situation?

Dating Like a Child

This morning I attended a friend's birthday party at The Artful Potter on Eastern and Pebble near the Regal Collonade movie theater. This was not just any friend's birthday party, she's six. I was the oldest guest without a child of my own in attendance by at least 20 years and then some. As I sat happily painting my piece of pottery with the other kids I thought to myself, this would make an awesome date. I guess this way of thinking says a lot about who I am and my childlike view of the world. It also speaks to the type of guy I want to date. If a man can't appreciate the small things in this world then he doesn't belong in my life.

Dating like a child. What a concept, right? I am not suggesting that on a date a person should act like a child (for some this just comes naturally), instead I am suggesting looking at the world through a child's eyes when picking your next date spot. So, here are some ideas to consider for your next date experience.

The Artful Potter
Embrace your inner artist and show-off your creative side while painting pottery that you can take home after it has been glazed and fired at The Artful Potter studio. Studio time is an $8 flat fee per person and you can choose from bisque items to paint ranging from $3 to $75. The Artful Potter has two locations - one in Green Valley and one in Summerlin -- and is open 'til 9 p.m. Monday through Thursday and 'til 10 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays.

The Pinball Hall of Fame
Whether you are on a date or not, if you live in Las Vegas I highly recommend checking this place out. Harness your competitive spirit and go back in time in the 4,500 square-foot Hall of Fame which houses a collection of pinball machines ranging from the 1950s up to the 1990s. There is no admission to get in and depending on the game, costs between 25 and 50 cents to play each game. The Pinball Hall of Fame is located on the north west corner of Tropicana and Pecos and is open 'til 11 p.m. Sunday through Thursday and 'til midnight on Fridays and Saturdays.

The Springs Preserve
The Springs Preserve is the site where water was first found in Las Vegas and is one of my favorite spots in Southern Nevada. With hiking trails, museum exhibits and cool events going on all the time, there is always something fun to do and not just for kids. If you're hungry there is a Wolfgang Puck Cafe inside the park and it lives up to the chef's reputation it's named after. General admission for adults is $9.95 if you are a Nevada resident and the park is open from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. daily.

Rides & Roller coasters at the Stratosphere
If your a thrill seeker or just an excuse to have some fun the Stratosphere Hotel and Casino offers three rides that won't let you down: Big Shot, X-Scream and Insanity the Ride. Tickets packages for all three rides can be purchased for under $30 or under $15 for individual rides.

Sky Zone
Sky Zone is an indoor trampoline arena. Have a blast during open jumping hours or join a class. Sky Zone has one location in Las Vegas and is open 'til 10 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays. Tickets are $12 per person/per hour.

Changing Lanes: A new blog identity

After almost a full month of blogging I have received awesome feedback from friends regarding the content and direction of my blog. Among the creative criticism the most common comment is this: "Your blog is great, but what happens if you start dating someone, does the blog end? The title is 'Megan on a Date' after all." After mulling this over it made sense, but what was I supposed to call my blog? As someone who has always enjoyed writing, I know this is something I would like to continue; besides being a creative outlet it's an opportunity for me to record pieces of my life in a fun quirky way.

It was one of my best friends who suggested playing off my last name: Lane. One of the ideas which was based on a decade old inside joke was "Uneven Lanes" but it wasn't exactly right. Then, after more discussion with many of my brilliantly creative friends I settled on a new title: "Changing Lanes." Perfect. Not only does it fit my current situation but it will probably fit in any season of my life. As the cliche goes, the only constant thing in life is change. So, welcome to the newly named blog.

That being said, the overall written direction of my blog will not change. I still plan to share my dating (mis)adventures but now the topics and possibilities of other things to write about are endless. I look forward to the evoloution of this personal writing project and am thankful for all the creative people I have in my life.

If you were following Megan on a Date or had the site bookmarked please start following Changing Lanes, instead.

Adventures in Dating

The other day a friend sent me a blog link entitled, "Ikea: a cheap place for date night." The jist of the article is that there is a new trend at Ikea of couples going to the store on date night to enjoy the childcare, cafe and interesting atmosphere. Considering I live in Vegas where there isn't an Ikea store, this particular date doesn't appeal to me (there is no way I am sitting in a car for eight hours with someone I barely know, though I am sure it would be entertaining), but it brings up the thought of all the activities this city does have to offer for a single lady looking for love.

I have a few ideas of my own, but I thought it would be fun to ask readers of my blog for suggestions of places or activities to meet new people. I have the ultimate veto power , however I promise to consider any suggestions you might throw at me. Be creative -- and even if I don't find the man of my dreams at least I will have fun trying! Right?

Making the best of a difficult situation

For the last three months I have been reexamining my life as a newly single 20-something in an effort to figure out what I want out of life and what type of person (and people in general) I want to share my time. This is what has been happening for all the world to see, but behind the scenes, I have continued to live with my ex as we wait for our lease to end. This could be an extremely challenging situation -- trying to create a fresh start while my past wanders around in his boxers leaving beer cans on the coffee table and dishes in the sink -- but surprisingly it's not. You're probably thinking, "yeah, right. There is no way." But it's true, at least most of the time.

Don't get me wrong, I am human after all, but if I catch myself getting ready to board the "but, what if. . . ." train, I just take a moment and remind myself that this was MY decision with MY best interests in mind and move on. My last relationship served it's purpose and I would be doing myself a disservice by reconsidering my very well thought out decision to move forward. There's also a light at the end of the tunnel. September will mark a true turning point in my life, but I see no point in waiting until then to get right with myself.

As suggested by my favorite Matchmaker, I recently made a top ten list of qualities my man must have in order to meet my physical, emotional, mental, financial and spiritual needs. By making my needs and desires clear, this one little exercise builds the foundation for a future relationship to be built. Tonight I read a blog post in the Huffington Post by Gail Lynne Goodwin, the ambassador of inspiration (love it!), entitled "The Secret to Finding Your Soulmate." Her personal story is a perfect example of this. Because she knew very clearly what she wanted, she was able to identify him as soon as he walked into her life. Though I don't think most people have her luck -- she basically met the man of her dreams within days of declaring her search for her soulmate -- I definitely think she had the right idea.

We all face challenging seasons in our life, ultimately we make the decision to be miserable or not. For me it boils down to this: I have been able to make the best of a difficult situation because (a) the outcome will be worth the pain, (b) it's only temporary, (c) I am a better person because of my experience and most importantly, (d) my faith in God. Sometimes it's necessary to stop and smell the metaphorical roses and then there are times like these where I focus on the future and run like the wind!

The countdown is on

The official end of my self-proclaimed dating detox is seven days away and there are so many things I haven't done that I may need to grant myself an extension. This reminds me of my college days, I was after all the queen of procrastination! Since I started this blog I have been asked several times, what is a dating detox - so here it is, defined by Patti Stanger herself:

"During this step you get to stop, take a breath, and get your romantic bearings. . . This is a chance to get back in touch with your softer more feminine side -- to draw men to you like bees on honey. . . Depending on the length of your last relationship, Dating Detox should last between thirty and ninety days."

While in detox I have examined my past relationships and developed a firm grasp on what I am looking for in a relationship. I have also taken time to focus on myself and find my "happy" place. Before the detox can end there are a few vital steps that need to happen. First, I need to purge my life of anything I don't need. According to my favorite Matchmaker this is necessary to make room for new things. This will actually be great since I will be moving in the next few months and will be forced to do this anyway. Second, I need to go shopping for a few new items for my dating wardrobe. I made my first attempt at this today but just wasn't feeling it. Besides, I was supposed to take a man with me, which wasn't possible today.

I am not sure what is holding me back from completing these two steps, but I vow to make some headway before the next weekend rolls around.

When the clock strikes midnight next Sunday and the detox is officially over I will be ready to date again. I guess. I am not sure if you can truly put a countdown on something like this, but it has been over three months since my last relationship and though I may have a lot to accomplish to physically prepare my life for new love possibilities I think my heart and mind are ready. Being back in the land of the dating however, doesn't mean I will be on a date right away, it means I will be open to it. Who, when and where are still to be determined, but I am sure it will be a new adventure.

Check back for updates, but in the meantime, allow me to pull you into my procrastinating by sharing my favorite Dane Cook bit: "I just wanna dance!"

I choose happiness

Tonight I attended my nephew's high school graduation. As I listened to the student's speeches, each painting a bright future with a "time to take on the world" attitude, I realized how much I have learned since I sat in a similar seat listening to frighteningly similar speeches just 10 years ago. Something clicked in my mind when one of the students said something to the affect of, "there is only one path to happiness, so choose carefully."

There is no doubt in my mind she is wrong. If there was only one path to happiness, what a sad world this would be. For one, it's the mistakes we choose to learn from that make us better people along the way. In my personal circumstance I would not be such a hopeful, happy place if it weren't for the "mistakes" I have made in my life. Secondly, I don't believe happiness is waiting to be found -- happiness is a choice we make in our lives. So, I guess that means I may have picked the "wrong" road, but as far as I am concerned, it's the right road for me.

So, how is this relevant to dating and relationships? Well, you don't have to read crazy dating advice books to know that happiness is the key to a healthy relationship. And I'm not talking about finding happiness in a relationship, I am talking about choosing true genuine happiness for yourself when no one else is around. I choose happiness (sprinkled with a lot of hope).

As for the student who spoke at graduation today, she'll find her way. She truly does have a bright future ahead and maybe for her there is only one path to happiness, but I hope not.

Reality TV Kills Relationships

If you have been living on planet Earth for the last several years than you have either seen or at least heard of the ABC show "The Bachelor" and it's counterpart "The Bachelorette." If you have been living under a rock here's the quick run down: in a quest for "true love" a bachelor or bachelorette chooses a possible wife or husband from a pool of 25 to 30 potential suitors who they must get to know during a variety of dream dates and amazing vacations. Through the course of the season the usually ridiculously attractive love interests are eliminated one by one during a rose ceremony until the bachelor or bachelorette's final decision is revealed on the show's always dramatic finale.

This season's star of "The Bachelorette" is Jillian Harris, a 29-year-old Canadian who was rejected by last season's bachelor Jason Mesnick (She's probably thanking her lucky stars, but that's an entirely different blog.)

Though I admit I have a tendency to get sucked into the last few episodes of the seasons, I don't buy into all of the hype. It might seems like a fairytale situation, but the truth is after 18 combined seasons of the show only one couple actually made it to the altar and has actually been able to sustain a relationship - that was Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter. It is technically considered a game show, after all.

First of all, it's unrealistic to believe everyone is on the show for the right reasons. Last night's episode was a perfect example. During a cocktail party rumor made it to Harris that one of the men on the show had a girlfriend at home. It's hard enough to qualify people in the real world, I can't imagine doing it when the possibility of fame is attached to it. It seems some people will do anything for 15-minutes of fame, even if someones heart is on the line.

Secondly, I can't imagine it's easy to reveal your true colors when a camera is being stuck in your face and the thought that millions of people will be watching is always in the back of your mind. And, is it really possible to see how someone reacts to stress and real world situations when you are constantly being whisked away on extravagant cruises and there isn't possibly anything you could worry about?

And for the most obvious point, no one ever wants to imagine their potential love interest playing kissy-face with someone else, so why would you put yourself in a situation where it's happening, in some cases, right next to you?

So, I guess with all of this said, it won't be a surprise when I reveal that I won't be trying out for either of these shows in the near future. My advice: if you want to find love don't go looking on reality TV, unless of course it's from the safety of your own comfy couch.

When does dinner become a date?

As a marketing professional I pride myself on being able to listen to a client and figure out what they want even if they are not spelling it out for me. Well, it seems being single requires similar skills yet only sharper. If a man asks out a woman he has never met at a bar it's fair to assume he is interested in more than just friendship. But how do you know if it's a date if a man you have known for a while asks you out but doesn't clearly state his intentions? I love the guideline offered by my favorite matchmaker, Patti Stanger:"coffee is cheap, drinks are an audition, lunch is an interview and dinner means business."But does this cover it? Are there other factors that need to be considered?

After Google-ing "when is it a date?" I came up with the following list of items that people consider when establishing if a get together is a date:

1. location
2. time of day
3. day of the week
4. how you get to the meeting place (does he pick you up or do you drive?)
5. topics discussed during said meeting
6. how the bill is paid

I am sure there are a million other items, but these seemed the most relevant to me. I also took an unofficial poll of friends, family and co-workers and the overwhelming answer was dinner is always a date.

I am not completely sold on that - I think friends of the opposite sex can have dinner without it being more. I think the best rule of thumb is this: it's not a date until both parties have acknowledged it as one.

So what do you think? When does dinner become a date?