Building Walls and Breaking Them Down

Over the Thanksgiving weekend I gave in and let one of my girlfriends play with my match.com profile. What I didn't know at the time was she wasn't just looking at my profile, she took it upon herself to "wink" at any guy she saw fit. Shame on me for giving her access to my account, but sometimes we all need someone to push us off the ledge because without that push we may never make the leap into scary waters. Like dating for example. So for the last few weeks I have been sifting through emails and responding to the ones that are worthwhile, which are few and far between.

As the days have gone by, there is one guy online who I can't wait to open his email. What began as a one sentence email from him about my profile headline ("Nobody puts baby in the corner") has turned into long rambling letters asking and answering various questions and showing off our witty personalities. I have vowed to take things slow and have done a pretty good job of that. But I think there is a risk you take in meeting people online if you don't eventually take the step to move the relationship into reality. Last night I finally told him I was ready to make that step. We made plans for a date next week which will still give us time to talk on the phone and get to know each other better.

I am cautiously optimistic but each time I let myself be happy I can hear a little voice in my mind warning me to watch out. A reminder to not get too wrapped up in this one because there's a chance it might not work out. There's a fine line between protecting my heart and building walls to keep people out and I am trying to figure out where the line is and how I can gingerly walk it. I have always been able to walk through life with a child-like enthusiasm and I am not sure how many disappointments it takes before this innocence goes away. I would rather not find out.

I do find comfort in the fact that I think I have learned from my past mistakes. I think I have raised the bar with this particular guy. For one, we have more in common than anyone I have ever considered dating in the past. From professional interests, to taste in music and even religion we seem to be on the same page. I know it takes more than these things to have a relationship, but I have had less than this in the past and made it work, at least for a while. It seems like by the time a person is in their mid to late twenties it's impossible to have not been hurt or carry some type of baggage, but I think the important part is how you deal with that extra luggage and communicate with those close to you.

So, wish me luck. In less than a week I will be on what quiet possibly could be one of the best first dates ever. We're going to visit Old St. Nick -- we'll see if a second date is on my list for this Christmas.